These are just some things that women need to know...

"The Rules" from the male side.

Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

I like this story. It reminds me of the fact that you never know where He is...

Ruth went to her mail box and there was only one letter. She picked it up and looked at it before opening, but then she looked at the envelope again.

There was no stamp, no postmark, only her name and address. She read the letter:
Dear Ruth:
I'm going to be in your neighborhood Saturday afternoon and I'd like to stop by for a visit.
Love Always, Jesus

Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table. "Why would the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special. I don't have anything to offer."

With that thought, Ruth remembered her empty kitchen cabinets. "Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run down to the store and buy something for dinner." She reached for her purse and counted out its contents. Five dollars and forty cents. "Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least."

She threw on her coat and hurried out the door. A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of milk...leaving Ruth with grand total twelve cents to last her until Monday. Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager offerings tucked under her arm.

"Hey lady, can you help us, lady?"

Ruth had been so absorbed in her dinner plans, she hadn't even noticed two figures huddled in the alleyway. A man and a woman,
both of them dressed in little more than rags.

"Look lady, I ain't got a job, ya know, and my wife and I have been living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us. Lady, we'd really appreciate it."

Ruth looked at them both. They were dirty, they smelled bad and frankly, she was certain that they could get some kind of work if they really wanted to.

"Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for dinner tonight and I was planning on serving that to Him."

"Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway."

The man put his arm around the woman's shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley. As she watched them leave, Ruth felt a familiar twinge in her heart. "Sir, wait!" The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them. "Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to serve my guest."

She handed the man her grocery bag. "Thank you lady. Thank you very much!"
"Yes, thank you!" It was the man's wife, and Ruth could see now that she was shivering. "You know, I've got another coat at home. Here, why don't you take this one." Ruth unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders. Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street...without her coat and with nothing to serve her guest.

"Thank you lady! Thank you very much!"

Ruth was chilled by the time she reached her front door, and worried too. The Lord was coming to visit and she didn't have anything to offer Him. She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she noticed another envelope in her mailbox.

"That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day." She took the envelope out of the box and opened it.

Dear Ruth:
It was so good to see you again. Thank you for the lovely meal. And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always Jesus

The air was still cold, but even without her coat, Ruth no longer noticed.

The holiday weekend has arrived. I'm more than a little excited at the prospect of getting some well-deserved rest. I've earned it. I reserve the right to be lazy. At least until I need to get up and go eat barbecue. Because of the holiday I get to leave work early and I'm taking advantage of that fact. I say all this to say what...have a great holiday. See you on Tuesday.

Do you notice that when you feel down and out you get all kinds of good things in your mailbox? I feel the need to share...

Phil. 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success.

Whistling Dixie
My daughter whistled in the car today during our morning commute. Now this shouldn't seem like a big deal but she is only 4.5 years old. I told her to practice so that she could whistle long and loud. I may regret this when she becomes really proficient and starts whistling at every moment of every day but for right now I'm just a proud momma.

In case you were the least bit curious about knowing what you drink tells about you, read on. For the record, I'm a mixed drinks type of lady.

DRINKS AND PERSONALITY
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink...................

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He’s gay.

I'm sad to announce that my birthday weekend was less than stellar. My weekend was spent in Cincinnati as recently reported and it was pretty boring. The drive down on Friday (actual day of birth) took about 5 hours...plus another hour lost with the time change. I then spent the rest of the evening meeting. I got into bed around midnight, overslept and was late to the meeting that started at 8 am on Saturday and pretty much lasted until 8 pm. I did get to see "Two Can Play That Game" which was an interesting movie. I went back to my hotel and crashed (aka nap before going out). The going out part didn't happen because all parties didn't sync up until midnight and by that time my nap had turned into 'good' sleep. In other words, I wasn't getting out of the bed. I got up Sunday in time to get dressed, pack and get back on the road. I got home, picked my daughter up from her father and went home. I made her a snack (aka watermelon...hmmm, hmmm, good!), told her not to wake up mommy and took a VERY long nap. I hate to be shallow but I was a little disappointed in the gifts too. Some people that I knew I was getting a gift from failed to produce. This same person is looking for a gift on Father's Day...we shall see. My weekend ended on a pretty low note and I'm a little bummed. I had to spend my birthday away from family and it sucked. The big 3-0 has got to be better than this. But I will keep my head up and look forward to this my twenty-last year.

P.S. My cold has not improved very much. Although I can breath out of one nostril now I'm still congested and feeling run-down. More fluids for me...

My sick little one has turned into the sick big one...I have a cold. Will the vicious cycle never end? In addition, I will be traveling to Cincinnati - on my birthday :( - for a meeting. While I didn't have any specific plans for the weekend (who am I kidding - Matrix Reloaded anyone), I didn't anticipate spending most of Friday driving with people I don't know. I'm going to be optimistic however and see what happens. Who knows? The weekend could turn out to be really, really nice. At the very least I'm going to get a good meal out of it. I've already let a friend know that he will be buying me dinner. It was part of the bribery package to get me to Cincy on my birthday. Hopefully I will recover quickly enough to enjoy it. The rest of my week has been pretty slow. We are experiencing a lull at work which is good because when you don't feel very well you don't really feel like working. I'm just waiting for the hectic bomb to drop and everyone is going to be off and running like people with their hair on fire. In the meantime, my birthday is May 16 - 1 day and counting! Have a good weekend!

My sick little one last week turned into a sick little one over the weekend. The oh-so-dreadful act of throwing up at school happened Friday afternoon. Needless to say I didn't make it to the wedding. She slept until 10 am. She needed it. Kids are so cute and pitiful when they are sick. You just want to take care of them. My weekend turned out to be pretty low-key as a result. Mother's day was nice. It was more windy than you can shake a stick at...as evidenced by the many, many tree branches I saw littering the street and grass as well as the poor trees who just fell over. I got some nice cards and some bar-b-que though so I can't complain. At the least I can say I got some rest this weekend - unfortunately that doesn't make good blog material. We'll see what happens this week.

Oh yeah, by the way it's my birthday on May 16 - 4 days and counting! Sorry, I couldn't resist.

I didn't get to post much this week. I had a sick little one and spent a few days at home with her. Needless to say now I feel sick. I'm rundown from my previous weekend. I didn't get to rest on Sunday and one of my co-workers told me I looked like I was in a fight. Thanks for the reality check. Since my daughter has caught a cold I took the opportunity of her resting for me to get rest as well. While I do feel better I still feel rundown. On a positive note, my doctors' appointments all went well. I'm healthy and should have no worries. Unfortunately being at home gives me little to blog about. Unlike last weekend, my upcoming weekend is pretty low-key. Hmmm...lessee...

Saturday:
Wedding and laundry. I went to a bridal shower last weekend and the wedding is this weekend. The question of the day: What to wear? I never know what to wear to weddings. It's supposed to be a very warm day so my inclination says a sundress. I'm going to have to play it by ear. Then I need to do laundry so I can get my daughter ready to go to her father's house for the week. She gets to help which makes her happy to no end. The child is weird.

Sunday is Mother's Day!
I'm a mom, so Sunday is National Do-Nothing but Be Pampered by Others Day! I do have to get my mom a card though.

T.G.I.F.
It's Friday and I'm more than a little excited. It was really a slow week for me (thank the Lord because it beats running around like my hair is on fire) so I got to catch up on some work. I got to be proactive and complete some work early. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm going to go home and eat fattening food (aka McDonald's) and go to bed so I can be rested for my fully packed weekend - right after I get cheese for a cheese tray and some sexy lingerie.

T.G.I.S.
I have a lot to do today and I hope I can get it all done. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I called and got in right away so I took it. We all know what usually happens when you call the doctor. We can see you...hmmm...let's see...until 3 months from now. So I'm counting my blessings and getting up early to get there.

I'm apartment hunting. My lease is up in July so I'm looking now. While I like where I am staying at Lincoln at River Run, I would like to be closer to the city. The problem is I'm spoiled. I'm in this huge 2 BR/2BA apartment with walk-in closets, in-house washer/dryer, fireplace, humongous balcony, a pantry and dishwasher. The layout (B2) is great! I want some of the same when I move. I'm looking to move to Oak Park. They have a lot of apartments available and at a reasonable price. Plus my daughter is almost ready to start school and they have a great school system. You know you are a parent when you think about the school system in the area you are moving to.

As previously talked about, my ex and I are making a comeback. He has hinted that he would like to move-in together - on a permanent basis. Well, I'm of the opinion that we already have "played house" and the only way we are moving back in together is if we are getting married. He hasn't balked at this mandate but we haven't moved from this point yet. In the meantime, my lease is almost up and I'm looking to move. I'll be calling all my friends to come help me when the time is right. Thanks in advance.

After apartment hunting I will be attending a bridal shower for my friend Alexis. She is getting married next week. I'm so happy you would think that I am the one getting married. Anyway, I mentioned that I need to buy some cheese and get sexy lingerie. The cheese is for a tray I'm making and the lingerie is for her. It's always wonderful to see young people in love. Especially ones that you like. I anticipate this being a good time.

You would think my day would be over after all those festivities. No, no my brother. I'm going to see X2. I can't wait. I love the X-Men. Have since before they were popular. I will be at AMC River East 21 relaxing with some popcorn and a Sprite enjoying the festivities.

T.G.I.Sunday
Needless to say, I'm very happy that on the 7th day God rested because that's exactly what I will be doing. Right after I go to church. I'm coming home to crash. If all goes well I'll have an extremely eventful Saturday to report on.

I previously reported on a friend going for a White House fellowship (previously archived here). An update from his wife is below. Congrats to Jeffrey and Valerie Robinson!

God is good! I am the proud wife of Jeffrey A. Robinson, National Finalist for the White House Fellowship. We just checked the White House website at http://www.whitehouse.gov/fellows/news/20030430.html and J.R. has made it to the next phase.

What's next? J.R. will be sequestered for a weekend and interviewed for 2 1/2 days the second weekend in June. Please be in prayer for us.

I know J.R.'s father would be so proud if he was here with us. I know he's smiling down from the kingdom.

By the end of June we should know for sure....

Thank you in advance for your prayers!