At my job we have summer days. Essentially these are days in addition to PTO that we can take between Memorial Day and Labor Day. This year we have 6 in total. 2 per month - June, July and August. Well I'm taking a summer day tomorrow. The Tom Joyner Morning Show is here with the Sky Show at the New Regal Theater, and it's featuring Parliament Funkadelic and Adele Givens. I'm making the extra effort to get up early and go. I can't wait. When they were here last year I took the time off and set my alarm for the wrong time and missed it. Obviously I needed the rest but I was disappointed. No such turn of luck this time. Plus I heard the New Regal Theater is closing on Monday so this will be my only opportunity to go there.
The Taste of Chicago also starts on Friday. I'm thinking about taking my daughter. I anticipate it being a slow day since it's the first and Erykah Badu will be performing. I've seen her in concert and she is great! After all this I will get some much deserved sleep.
Saturday is my town's annual picnic. If my daughter and I can't make it to the water park it looks like we will have some fun there. We can at least get a free hot dog and see some of the local young performers. Maybe we will get lucky and the carnival will be in town.
Sunday is church. We are honoring our graduates with an ice cream social - yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, delicioso. Plus I'm going out to dinner at the Greek Islands to celebrate a birthday. When it rains it pours and this means I won't have any plans for the next month or so.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Whether the Weather...
...We'll weather the weather, whether we like it or not! I'm not liking the weather. I like it hot and today it's pouring out. I was so hoping that this weekend would be a scorcher because I want to take my daughter to the water park - and she wants to go. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed!
Something to Think About
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Just a friendly reminder to have faith at all times. Not just the good but especially the bad.
He will bring you through it.
Just a friendly reminder to have faith at all times. Not just the good but especially the bad.
Monday, June 23, 2003
Friday, June 20, 2003
I have a friend from high school who recently started a new business. Her name is Chrishawn and the name of her business is In Your Dreams Publishing. Check her out if you get the chance. Thanks!
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Check your local listings about this program. It sounds very, very interesting!
This Far by Faith: African-American Spiritual Journeys
In six hours of dramatic storytelling, THIS FAR BY FAITH: AFRICAN-AMERICAN SPIRITUAL JOURNEYS examines the African-American religious experience. From the arrival of the early African slaves through the Civil War, reconstruction, Jim Crow, the great depression, the civil rights era, and into the 21st century, THIS FAR BY FAITH, airing on PBS Tuesday-Thursday, June 24-26, 2003, (check local listings), explores the connections between faith and the development of African-American cultural values. Lorraine Toussaint ("Any Day Now," "Crossing Jordan") narrates.
THIS FAR BY FAITH is the last project conceptualized by legendary filmmaker Henry Hampton. Hampton's contributions to television include AMERICA'S WAR ON POVERTY and the Peabody and Emmy Award-winning EYES ON THE PRIZE and AMERICAN EXPERIENCE "Malcolm X: Make It Plain." Before his death in 1998, Hampton wrote that it was his dream to celebrate the sweep and range of African-American religious experience "in the context of the nation's struggle to realize the goals of democracy and humanity, the heart and soul of America itself: who we are as a nation, what we believe as a people, and what we consider worth dying - and living - for."
"THIS FAR BY FAITH explores how African Americans fought for their spiritual traditions," says executive producer of The Faith Project, June Cross. "It describes how those traditions sustained them as they struggled for the right to express themselves, and how, out of that struggle, the very cultural, political, and social fabric of this nation was transformed. This Far by Faith started as the vision of one extraordinary man - Henry Hampton, the founder of Blackside Inc. He inspired so many of us-including the team which initially gathered to produce Faith after his death. Our faith in his vision meant we could not rest - we could not let his memory rest - until this series aired."
Each hour-long episode combines rich archival photography, compelling music, inspiring interviews, and vibrant recreations to shed light on a population that has confronted adversity and clung to hope since the first enslaved peoples arrived on these shores.
"THIS FAR BY FAITH explores the African-American community's ever-present faith in a higher power," adds Dante James, series executive producer for Blackside Inc. "A faith that has sustained black people and empowered them to change a society that for generations has challenged and often denied their humanity and dignity. This series makes clear that spirituality of any form can be a basis for truth and understanding - and a vehicle for all people to find common ground as human beings."
The first hour, "There Is a River," begins with the stories of Sojourner Truth and Denmark Vesey. Both were born into slavery, and both used the Gospel to shape their identities; however, both use their voices in very different ways - one chooses retribution and the other, engagement.
Hour two, "God Is a Negro," takes place after Emancipation, when minister-turned-journalist Henry McNeal Turner uses the black church to engage black people in the political realm. Denied access to the institutions of society at large, black religious communities found and maintain their own grammar schools, universities, banks, insurance companies, printing presses, nursing homes and hospitals.
Hour three, "Guide My Feet," begins in the Jim Crow era, when many African Americans migrated north. In Chicago, Thomas C. Dorsey, a pianist with blues singer Ma Rainey, melds his religious faith with his musical talent to invent what we know as gospel music. In present-day San Francisco, the Reverend Cecil Williams takes his religious faith and his compassion for all people to the streets and builds the Glide Memorial United Methodist Church congregation.
Hour four, "Freedom Faith," follows the Civil Rights movement in the years after World War II. Ordinary people risk their lives to challenge the sin of racism in American culture and strive to fulfill the nation's promise of "liberty and justice for all." For many, the belief that God intended all people to be equal and free sustains them in the struggle.
Hour five, "Inheritors of the Faith," plots the growth of the Nation of Islam under the leadership of Elijah Muhammad. After his death, his son, Warith, departs from his father's teachings and leads the Nation of Islam towards a more orthodox practice of Islam.
The series concludes with hour six, "Rise Up and Call Their Names," which chronicles a two-year interfaith, multiracial, multiethnic pilgrimage from Massachusetts to Africa - by way of Florida and the Caribbean - undertaken to heal the wounds of slavery. But is religious belief alone enough to hold the pilgrimage together?
This Far by Faith: African-American Spiritual Journeys
In six hours of dramatic storytelling, THIS FAR BY FAITH: AFRICAN-AMERICAN SPIRITUAL JOURNEYS examines the African-American religious experience. From the arrival of the early African slaves through the Civil War, reconstruction, Jim Crow, the great depression, the civil rights era, and into the 21st century, THIS FAR BY FAITH, airing on PBS Tuesday-Thursday, June 24-26, 2003, (check local listings), explores the connections between faith and the development of African-American cultural values. Lorraine Toussaint ("Any Day Now," "Crossing Jordan") narrates.
THIS FAR BY FAITH is the last project conceptualized by legendary filmmaker Henry Hampton. Hampton's contributions to television include AMERICA'S WAR ON POVERTY and the Peabody and Emmy Award-winning EYES ON THE PRIZE and AMERICAN EXPERIENCE "Malcolm X: Make It Plain." Before his death in 1998, Hampton wrote that it was his dream to celebrate the sweep and range of African-American religious experience "in the context of the nation's struggle to realize the goals of democracy and humanity, the heart and soul of America itself: who we are as a nation, what we believe as a people, and what we consider worth dying - and living - for."
"THIS FAR BY FAITH explores how African Americans fought for their spiritual traditions," says executive producer of The Faith Project, June Cross. "It describes how those traditions sustained them as they struggled for the right to express themselves, and how, out of that struggle, the very cultural, political, and social fabric of this nation was transformed. This Far by Faith started as the vision of one extraordinary man - Henry Hampton, the founder of Blackside Inc. He inspired so many of us-including the team which initially gathered to produce Faith after his death. Our faith in his vision meant we could not rest - we could not let his memory rest - until this series aired."
Each hour-long episode combines rich archival photography, compelling music, inspiring interviews, and vibrant recreations to shed light on a population that has confronted adversity and clung to hope since the first enslaved peoples arrived on these shores.
"THIS FAR BY FAITH explores the African-American community's ever-present faith in a higher power," adds Dante James, series executive producer for Blackside Inc. "A faith that has sustained black people and empowered them to change a society that for generations has challenged and often denied their humanity and dignity. This series makes clear that spirituality of any form can be a basis for truth and understanding - and a vehicle for all people to find common ground as human beings."
The first hour, "There Is a River," begins with the stories of Sojourner Truth and Denmark Vesey. Both were born into slavery, and both used the Gospel to shape their identities; however, both use their voices in very different ways - one chooses retribution and the other, engagement.
Hour two, "God Is a Negro," takes place after Emancipation, when minister-turned-journalist Henry McNeal Turner uses the black church to engage black people in the political realm. Denied access to the institutions of society at large, black religious communities found and maintain their own grammar schools, universities, banks, insurance companies, printing presses, nursing homes and hospitals.
Hour three, "Guide My Feet," begins in the Jim Crow era, when many African Americans migrated north. In Chicago, Thomas C. Dorsey, a pianist with blues singer Ma Rainey, melds his religious faith with his musical talent to invent what we know as gospel music. In present-day San Francisco, the Reverend Cecil Williams takes his religious faith and his compassion for all people to the streets and builds the Glide Memorial United Methodist Church congregation.
Hour four, "Freedom Faith," follows the Civil Rights movement in the years after World War II. Ordinary people risk their lives to challenge the sin of racism in American culture and strive to fulfill the nation's promise of "liberty and justice for all." For many, the belief that God intended all people to be equal and free sustains them in the struggle.
Hour five, "Inheritors of the Faith," plots the growth of the Nation of Islam under the leadership of Elijah Muhammad. After his death, his son, Warith, departs from his father's teachings and leads the Nation of Islam towards a more orthodox practice of Islam.
The series concludes with hour six, "Rise Up and Call Their Names," which chronicles a two-year interfaith, multiracial, multiethnic pilgrimage from Massachusetts to Africa - by way of Florida and the Caribbean - undertaken to heal the wounds of slavery. But is religious belief alone enough to hold the pilgrimage together?
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
My entire network was down yesterday so I had quite a bit of email to go through this morning. I found this one particularly amusing. We are always looking for a way to lose weight. Who knew it was this easy? Get ready to be on your way to a summer-ready body in no time!
Calorie Counter
It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research, they are proud to present, to the LOVE group, the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent.......................2187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand.................................12 Calories
With your teeth..............................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection.....................3315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary.....................................12 Calories
69 lying down.................................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................216 Calories
Doggy Style.................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.........................2912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real.............................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging...........................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.......................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.......816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years..................................124 Calories
50-59 years................................1972 Calories
60-69 years................................7916 Calories
70 and over................................Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARD S:
Calmly........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.........13,521 Calories
Calorie Counter
It has been known for many years that sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research, they are proud to present, to the LOVE group, the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent.......................2187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand.................................12 Calories
With your teeth..............................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection.....................3315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary.....................................12 Calories
69 lying down.................................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................216 Calories
Doggy Style.................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.........................2912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real.............................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging...........................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.......................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.......816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years..................................124 Calories
50-59 years................................1972 Calories
60-69 years................................7916 Calories
70 and over................................Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARD S:
Calmly........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.........13,521 Calories
Friday, June 13, 2003
Happy Friday the 13th. A day supposedly of bad luck but no one really knows the origins. It's also the Feast of Epona day. I'm just happy it's Friday AND it's payday. I have a weekend of packing, meetings and eating ahead. Happy Father's Day to all the dads. I'm doing my last minute shopping tomorrow. For those of you in Chicago with nothing to do on Sunday from 3p - 6p, you should check out Real Men Cook. That's where I will be getting my eat on. The food is delicious and it's all prepared by men. It's a nice treat for all the ladies out there and even better one for the men. Nice Father's Day gift. Whatever you decide to do have a great weekend!
What will they think of next?
Wrigley eyes possibilities of anti-impotence gum
Wm. Wrigley Jr. in March received a patent for a chewing gum that delivers sildenafil citrate, the active ingredient in Pfizer's Viagra. In addition to the gum's anti-impotence abilities, it also can help patients suffering from weak stomachs or swallowing disorders. Wrigley likely would need FDA approval prior to marketing the gum, an FDA spokesperson said. MSNBC (6/12), Chicago Sun-Times (6/12), Chicago Tribune (6/13)
Wrigley eyes possibilities of anti-impotence gum
Wm. Wrigley Jr. in March received a patent for a chewing gum that delivers sildenafil citrate, the active ingredient in Pfizer's Viagra. In addition to the gum's anti-impotence abilities, it also can help patients suffering from weak stomachs or swallowing disorders. Wrigley likely would need FDA approval prior to marketing the gum, an FDA spokesperson said. MSNBC (6/12), Chicago Sun-Times (6/12), Chicago Tribune (6/13)
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
How cool is this. I actually have a tattoo of Nefertiti on my shoulder. This is a great find.
Mummy May Be Queen Nefertiti
A British Egyptologist announced Monday her team may have identified the mummy of Egyptian Queen Nefertiti, the wife and co-ruler with pharaoh Akhenaten and stepmother to legendary boy King Tutankhamun. Joann Fletcher, a mummification specialist from the University of York in England who led the expedition, said her team may have unearthed Nefertiti from a secret chamber in tomb KV35 in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings in Luxor.
Mummy May Be Queen Nefertiti
A British Egyptologist announced Monday her team may have identified the mummy of Egyptian Queen Nefertiti, the wife and co-ruler with pharaoh Akhenaten and stepmother to legendary boy King Tutankhamun. Joann Fletcher, a mummification specialist from the University of York in England who led the expedition, said her team may have unearthed Nefertiti from a secret chamber in tomb KV35 in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings in Luxor.
Friday, June 06, 2003
I've officially made the switch to wireless. I couldn't justify having a land line and a cell phone and paying as much as I was for both. I spend more time away from home so the wireless phone is the more economical choice. Especially when I now have unlimited nights and weekend and nationwide long distance included with my plan for the same price as my previous plan. I feel much better now. With the way the economy is who has money to waste!
Top 10: Worst Reasons to Marry Her
For many, marriage is the final blossoming of a loving relationship. But before you take that giant leap, you need to be absolutely sure that you're doing it for all the right reasons.
For many, marriage is the final blossoming of a loving relationship. But before you take that giant leap, you need to be absolutely sure that you're doing it for all the right reasons.
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
I saw this article in the Chicago Tribune and thought it was worth sharing. How many of these people are in your office?
Mary Schmich
Office behavior the missing link to monkey house
Published May 30, 2003
Working in an office is like living in a submarine. You spend day after day, year after year, within sniffing distance of people who are not your intimates.
When you're on full alert, you understand that in this cramped public domain, you must protect your fellow travelers from your most primitive behavior. You know you are not allowed the full range of bodily expression a person may safely indulge in the privacy of a bedroom or a bathroom.
But all of us from time to time drift into our public private worlds, imagining that no one else can see, hear or smell us as we indulge our primal urges. From behind our imaginary shields we assault the senses and sensibilities of those around us.
Well, I don't. But, believe me, I know people who do.
I'm not talking about mere lapses of courtesy--the guy who speaks loudly on the phone about his prostate difficulties--but about the pure and simple gross stuff that proves we're not much removed from the baboons.
Baboon behavior in the office falls into some predictable categories, a few of which I will outline here. Feel free to turn right now to a more tasteful article. Or to contribute examples of your own.
The Gummy Guy. He snaps, crackles, pops and explodes gum bubbles so often and so loud that it makes not just your ears but your jaw hurt.
The Gummy Gal. She is very concerned with the environment, which is why she conserves her gum by sticking it between chews on whatever's handy. Her computer. Her Coke can. Your Coke can. Then she pops the hardened wad back in her mouth when she needs to chew again.
The Slurper. Who knew yogurt could be so noisy?
The Scratcher. His hands are in his armpits way too often. And that's when they're not somewhere even less attractive.
The Adjuster. You know what I mean.
The Foot Fetishist. She pads through the office barefoot. She returns to her desk and props her naked tootsies on her desk. Could she at least pull her skirt down?
The Foot Fetishist II. He does everything the barefoot gal does, only he does it in socks. Smelly, mismatched socks.
The Gassy Guy. You know what I mean.
Mr. Stinky. No, not the gassy guy. I mean Mr. Cool Cologne. Will someone please tell him that his after-shave doesn't get the girl, it gags her?
The Picker. She's got her finger in her nose.
The Picker II. She's got her fingers in her ear. The same fingers that were in her nose.
The Picker III. He can't keep his hands off that scab.
The Picker IV. You don't want to think about all the places his hands have been when he slips a fingernail between his teeth to ferret out some vegetable.
The Flushing Flosser. All of these baboon categories are based on true stories, but here's one verbatim: "This is so gross," says the teller, who can't wait to tell it. "There's this guy in the bathroom stall who flosses his teeth. You can hear it! Somebody flossing! In the stall! Enough of your efficiency, Mister!"
The Digger: He uses a push pin to excavate a wart, hoping his colleagues think the wart's a splinter. Honest, I am not making up any of these.
The Clipper. Snip, snip, snip. Some clippers stick to fingernails. Some stoop to clipping toes. Some make little piles of their products and leave them on display.
The Biter. Not as noisy as the clipper, but just as gross, especially when she litters her desk and the carpet with crescent moons. It's worse when she swallows.
The Plucker. When she's deep in thought, she plucks her hair out.
The Plucker II. Leaning into his computer screen, absorbed in thought, he plucks, plucks, plucks at his eyebrows. Or his mustache.
The Curious Sneezer. He honks and hacks into a Kleenex. And then checks it out.
The Smelly Luncher. The aroma of his meal sends those around him sickly lurching toward the bathroom.
The Literate Luncher. She dips her face into her food and shovels it in without taking her eyes off what she's reading.
The Nightmare. The person guilty of all the above.
Additional columns and columnist information are available in the online edition of chicagotribune.com. Older columns can be found in our archives.
Copyright © 2003, Chicago Tribune
Mary Schmich
Office behavior the missing link to monkey house
Published May 30, 2003
Working in an office is like living in a submarine. You spend day after day, year after year, within sniffing distance of people who are not your intimates.
When you're on full alert, you understand that in this cramped public domain, you must protect your fellow travelers from your most primitive behavior. You know you are not allowed the full range of bodily expression a person may safely indulge in the privacy of a bedroom or a bathroom.
But all of us from time to time drift into our public private worlds, imagining that no one else can see, hear or smell us as we indulge our primal urges. From behind our imaginary shields we assault the senses and sensibilities of those around us.
Well, I don't. But, believe me, I know people who do.
I'm not talking about mere lapses of courtesy--the guy who speaks loudly on the phone about his prostate difficulties--but about the pure and simple gross stuff that proves we're not much removed from the baboons.
Baboon behavior in the office falls into some predictable categories, a few of which I will outline here. Feel free to turn right now to a more tasteful article. Or to contribute examples of your own.
The Gummy Guy. He snaps, crackles, pops and explodes gum bubbles so often and so loud that it makes not just your ears but your jaw hurt.
The Gummy Gal. She is very concerned with the environment, which is why she conserves her gum by sticking it between chews on whatever's handy. Her computer. Her Coke can. Your Coke can. Then she pops the hardened wad back in her mouth when she needs to chew again.
The Slurper. Who knew yogurt could be so noisy?
The Scratcher. His hands are in his armpits way too often. And that's when they're not somewhere even less attractive.
The Adjuster. You know what I mean.
The Foot Fetishist. She pads through the office barefoot. She returns to her desk and props her naked tootsies on her desk. Could she at least pull her skirt down?
The Foot Fetishist II. He does everything the barefoot gal does, only he does it in socks. Smelly, mismatched socks.
The Gassy Guy. You know what I mean.
Mr. Stinky. No, not the gassy guy. I mean Mr. Cool Cologne. Will someone please tell him that his after-shave doesn't get the girl, it gags her?
The Picker. She's got her finger in her nose.
The Picker II. She's got her fingers in her ear. The same fingers that were in her nose.
The Picker III. He can't keep his hands off that scab.
The Picker IV. You don't want to think about all the places his hands have been when he slips a fingernail between his teeth to ferret out some vegetable.
The Flushing Flosser. All of these baboon categories are based on true stories, but here's one verbatim: "This is so gross," says the teller, who can't wait to tell it. "There's this guy in the bathroom stall who flosses his teeth. You can hear it! Somebody flossing! In the stall! Enough of your efficiency, Mister!"
The Digger: He uses a push pin to excavate a wart, hoping his colleagues think the wart's a splinter. Honest, I am not making up any of these.
The Clipper. Snip, snip, snip. Some clippers stick to fingernails. Some stoop to clipping toes. Some make little piles of their products and leave them on display.
The Biter. Not as noisy as the clipper, but just as gross, especially when she litters her desk and the carpet with crescent moons. It's worse when she swallows.
The Plucker. When she's deep in thought, she plucks her hair out.
The Plucker II. Leaning into his computer screen, absorbed in thought, he plucks, plucks, plucks at his eyebrows. Or his mustache.
The Curious Sneezer. He honks and hacks into a Kleenex. And then checks it out.
The Smelly Luncher. The aroma of his meal sends those around him sickly lurching toward the bathroom.
The Literate Luncher. She dips her face into her food and shovels it in without taking her eyes off what she's reading.
The Nightmare. The person guilty of all the above.
Additional columns and columnist information are available in the online edition of chicagotribune.com. Older columns can be found in our archives.
Copyright © 2003, Chicago Tribune
I received this from a good friend and wanted to share:
Marianne Williamson once said that our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. The truth is that the naysayers in your life - those who seek to pull you down every time you exceed their expectations for you - can never be fully satisfied. Whether you hide or shine, they'll always feel threatened because they don't believe THEY are enough. Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your Creator gave you and destroying your design.
What I know for sure is this: You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more. To be more splendid. Te be more extraordinary. To use every moment to fill yourself up.
Marianne Williamson once said that our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. The truth is that the naysayers in your life - those who seek to pull you down every time you exceed their expectations for you - can never be fully satisfied. Whether you hide or shine, they'll always feel threatened because they don't believe THEY are enough. Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your Creator gave you and destroying your design.
What I know for sure is this: You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more. To be more splendid. Te be more extraordinary. To use every moment to fill yourself up.
How to Make Your Girlfriend Eternally Happy
1) Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her
the number 2 rule follows.
2) Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her,
whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill
to do it.
3) Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if
you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it
and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be
about 1 foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics,
but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the
better.
4) Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard
about submissive women. They actually rule every
relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive,
guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
5) Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be
impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of
HelloKitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies,
bunnies, as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other
trinkets and knick-knacks. Also, she will understand perfectly
well if you pout over the smallest perceived slight or slip
and demand to be appeased, assuaged, or made up to. If you
behave any other way, she will never understand it.
6) Dress like a PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble
of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you, herself.
7) Remove EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON YOUR SCALP. The
sight of a whisker on your face reminds her that somewhere inside
you, something is trying to grow. You must not grow - you must be
as unchanging and constant as the firmament..
8) There are NO MORE RULES to making your girlfriend eternally
happy. If any situation arises which you feel the rules have not
addressed, you are mistaken - immediately refer to the primary
rules #1 and #2 - they are the solution in every such case.
1) Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her
the number 2 rule follows.
2) Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her,
whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill
to do it.
3) Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if
you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it
and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be
about 1 foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics,
but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the
better.
4) Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard
about submissive women. They actually rule every
relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive,
guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
5) Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be
impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of
HelloKitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies,
bunnies, as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other
trinkets and knick-knacks. Also, she will understand perfectly
well if you pout over the smallest perceived slight or slip
and demand to be appeased, assuaged, or made up to. If you
behave any other way, she will never understand it.
6) Dress like a PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble
of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you, herself.
7) Remove EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON YOUR SCALP. The
sight of a whisker on your face reminds her that somewhere inside
you, something is trying to grow. You must not grow - you must be
as unchanging and constant as the firmament..
8) There are NO MORE RULES to making your girlfriend eternally
happy. If any situation arises which you feel the rules have not
addressed, you are mistaken - immediately refer to the primary
rules #1 and #2 - they are the solution in every such case.
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