Wednesday, April 30, 2003
I didn't make it to get free ice cream at Ben & Jerry's yesterday. I'm very disappointed. I will not be making that mistake today however. I love Baskin Robbins Pralines 'n Cream and plan to get me some right after work. It's actually been a pretty quiet week at work. I've gotten the chance to catch up on work and I can actually see my desk again. Which is a good thing because it's probably only the calm before the storm. I'll just stay low for as long as possible. :)
Monday, April 28, 2003
I've seen this story before but not in this format. While I'm not a big fan of the action against Iraq, I do support our troops. Read and be blessed.
A young soldier was in his bunkhouse all alone one Sunday morning over in Afghanistan. It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't made a noise. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk. Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?"
The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord."
The sergeant said, "Looks like you're going to play cards."
The soldier said, "No sir, you see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards."
The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"
You see the Ace, Sergeant, it reminds that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.
The Three represents the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Apostles: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The Five is for the five virgins that were ten but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after working the six days.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives, in which God saved the eight people from the flood that destroyed the earth for the first time.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan. One of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.
When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck, each is a week, 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represents the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
Each suit has thirteen cards, there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.
So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."
The sergeant just stood there and after a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"
Originator Unknown
Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting for us.
A young soldier was in his bunkhouse all alone one Sunday morning over in Afghanistan. It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't made a noise. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk. Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?"
The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord."
The sergeant said, "Looks like you're going to play cards."
The soldier said, "No sir, you see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards."
The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"
You see the Ace, Sergeant, it reminds that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.
The Three represents the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Apostles: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The Five is for the five virgins that were ten but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after working the six days.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives, in which God saved the eight people from the flood that destroyed the earth for the first time.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan. One of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.
When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck, each is a week, 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represents the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
Each suit has thirteen cards, there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.
So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."
The sergeant just stood there and after a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"
Originator Unknown
Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting for us.
FREE ICE CREAM
FREE BEN & JERRY'S CONE DAY is April 29th
-noon to 8 pm- (Limited USA Locations)
http://www.benjerry.com/scoop_shops/free_cone_day/index.cfm
Now in it's 4th year, Free Scoop Night is our way of saying THANK YOU
to our loyal customers who have supported Baskin-Robbins for more than
55 years. Visit one of our participating stores on Wednesday, April 30,
2003, from 6 to 10 p.m. and get a FREE 2.5 oz scoop of ice cream.
Choose from any available flavor.
http://www.baskinrobbins.com/new/
FREE BEN & JERRY'S CONE DAY is April 29th
-noon to 8 pm- (Limited USA Locations)
http://www.benjerry.com/scoop_shops/free_cone_day/index.cfm
Now in it's 4th year, Free Scoop Night is our way of saying THANK YOU
to our loyal customers who have supported Baskin-Robbins for more than
55 years. Visit one of our participating stores on Wednesday, April 30,
2003, from 6 to 10 p.m. and get a FREE 2.5 oz scoop of ice cream.
Choose from any available flavor.
http://www.baskinrobbins.com/new/
Friday, April 25, 2003
Church Dictionary
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending church.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: A religious order known for their ability to put together really good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
MAGI: The most famous men to ever attend a baby shower.
MANGER: The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in some churches.
RELICS: People who have been going to church for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending church.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: A religious order known for their ability to put together really good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
MAGI: The most famous men to ever attend a baby shower.
MANGER: The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in some churches.
RELICS: People who have been going to church for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Thursday, April 24, 2003
I received this from a friend. It felt good enough to share. While some things are funny/controversial/offensive to some, a good portion of them are based in truth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
THINGS BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD NOT DO
1. Visit a tanning booth. I do not care how light you are, tanning is not an activity listed as acceptable for African Americans. If you are that light, buy bronzing creme.
2. Outline your lips with black lipliner. You are not white. Your lips are big enough already. There is no need to call attention
to them.
3. Leave the house without using lotion. Ashy is not a synonym of sexy.
4. Skip a day...Your body chemistry is different than other nationalities. Use deodorant. Funky is only good if it's a bass line in a song.
5. Have three or more babymamas/daddies. It's not cute and it's confusing. Ladies, if you do, at least give them all your last name. The
mailman and the folks at school will be extremely confused otherwise.
6. Bring back the Jheri curl. Its hot, it's messy, it's not cute.
7. Call your family gathering a picnic. You got the email, you know where the word came from. Besides, if you haven't been picked by now, it ain't gonna happen at your family reunion. And if it does, it's illegal in most states and causes the offspring to have unnecessary and unsightly physical and mental defects.
8. Drive a car that is worth more than your house.
9. Talk on your cell phone while you're riding on the bus, subway or trolley. Walking down the street is O.K.
10. Wear leather in the summer. You are making me sweat just looking at you.
11. Put on cologne without showering, bathing or washing up first. You stink. Refer to #4 to determine the acceptable types of funk.
12. Believe the myth that all black folks can dance. Remember your uncle at your sister's wedding? That's how you look, just 20 years
younger.
13. Confuse a hustle with a job. Your hustle is what you do in addition to your job. Going to the studio is not a job. In fact, it's not even
a hustle unless you get paid.
14. Walk around half-naked outside. We don't want to see it. Have you ever wondered why your wife turns the lights off before you get in the bed? They don't even want to see it.
15. Laugh when your children cuss. It's not cute.
16. Let anyone make you feel bad for being "too black" whether in skin complexion, culture or attitude. Remember the words of Ossie Davis in Purlie: "I find, in being black, a thing of beauty, a joy."
17. Accuse someone of selling out simply because they've become successful. Gospel artists and jazz musicians like nice things
just like you and if you could get paid to drink Sprite on camera or sell a million records, you would too. Kirk Franklin and CeCe Winans aren't sellouts, they're successful. Learn the difference and then handle YOUR business.
18. Neglect the older folks in your life. They have plenty good wisdom. Besides, you'll be trying to jump in the grave with them when
they die.
19. Refer to straight hair as good hair. If it covers your head, its good hair. You can be happy nappy. And if you aren't, go visit my
uncle's salon. Tell him I sent you, he might hook you up.
20. Go to Bedside Baptist Church. In other words, get up on Sunday morning, get dressed and get your worship on. God deserves it and you need a word whether you know it or not.
21. Pass on ridiculous emails and swear up in down that they are true. Your cousin did not see Tommy Hilfiger on Oprah dissing black folks, Proctor and Gamble is not owned by Satan, no one is going to steal your kidney if you visit Mexico, and Bill Gates is not going to give you diddley. Most emails passed on to you are full of lies. Fortunately, this is not one of them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
THINGS BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD NOT DO
1. Visit a tanning booth. I do not care how light you are, tanning is not an activity listed as acceptable for African Americans. If you are that light, buy bronzing creme.
2. Outline your lips with black lipliner. You are not white. Your lips are big enough already. There is no need to call attention
to them.
3. Leave the house without using lotion. Ashy is not a synonym of sexy.
4. Skip a day...Your body chemistry is different than other nationalities. Use deodorant. Funky is only good if it's a bass line in a song.
5. Have three or more babymamas/daddies. It's not cute and it's confusing. Ladies, if you do, at least give them all your last name. The
mailman and the folks at school will be extremely confused otherwise.
6. Bring back the Jheri curl. Its hot, it's messy, it's not cute.
7. Call your family gathering a picnic. You got the email, you know where the word came from. Besides, if you haven't been picked by now, it ain't gonna happen at your family reunion. And if it does, it's illegal in most states and causes the offspring to have unnecessary and unsightly physical and mental defects.
8. Drive a car that is worth more than your house.
9. Talk on your cell phone while you're riding on the bus, subway or trolley. Walking down the street is O.K.
10. Wear leather in the summer. You are making me sweat just looking at you.
11. Put on cologne without showering, bathing or washing up first. You stink. Refer to #4 to determine the acceptable types of funk.
12. Believe the myth that all black folks can dance. Remember your uncle at your sister's wedding? That's how you look, just 20 years
younger.
13. Confuse a hustle with a job. Your hustle is what you do in addition to your job. Going to the studio is not a job. In fact, it's not even
a hustle unless you get paid.
14. Walk around half-naked outside. We don't want to see it. Have you ever wondered why your wife turns the lights off before you get in the bed? They don't even want to see it.
15. Laugh when your children cuss. It's not cute.
16. Let anyone make you feel bad for being "too black" whether in skin complexion, culture or attitude. Remember the words of Ossie Davis in Purlie: "I find, in being black, a thing of beauty, a joy."
17. Accuse someone of selling out simply because they've become successful. Gospel artists and jazz musicians like nice things
just like you and if you could get paid to drink Sprite on camera or sell a million records, you would too. Kirk Franklin and CeCe Winans aren't sellouts, they're successful. Learn the difference and then handle YOUR business.
18. Neglect the older folks in your life. They have plenty good wisdom. Besides, you'll be trying to jump in the grave with them when
they die.
19. Refer to straight hair as good hair. If it covers your head, its good hair. You can be happy nappy. And if you aren't, go visit my
uncle's salon. Tell him I sent you, he might hook you up.
20. Go to Bedside Baptist Church. In other words, get up on Sunday morning, get dressed and get your worship on. God deserves it and you need a word whether you know it or not.
21. Pass on ridiculous emails and swear up in down that they are true. Your cousin did not see Tommy Hilfiger on Oprah dissing black folks, Proctor and Gamble is not owned by Satan, no one is going to steal your kidney if you visit Mexico, and Bill Gates is not going to give you diddley. Most emails passed on to you are full of lies. Fortunately, this is not one of them.
For All of Our Fighting Men and Women
The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country.
He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either. He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.
He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm Howitzers. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.
He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other.
He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life -- or take it, because that is his job.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime. He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.
He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.
Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years. He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.
Prayer Wheel
"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."
Prayer Wheel: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, sailors on ships, and airmen in the air, and in the war with Iraq. There is nothing attached...This can be very powerful...Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Marine or Airman, prayer is the very best one.
The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country.
He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either. He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.
He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm Howitzers. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.
He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other.
He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life -- or take it, because that is his job.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime. He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.
He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.
Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years. He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.
Prayer Wheel
"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."
Prayer Wheel: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, sailors on ships, and airmen in the air, and in the war with Iraq. There is nothing attached...This can be very powerful...Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Marine or Airman, prayer is the very best one.
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
A Pick-Me-Up for the Ladies
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, THEY'RE amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
YOU'RE A GOOD APPLE.
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, THEY'RE amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
YOU'RE A GOOD APPLE.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Please take a moment out of your busy schedule to say a prayer for Luther Vandross tomorrow at noon, no matter which time zone you are on. Thanks!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The Bible draws a picture of who we are. The people in the Bible describes who God has meant for us to be. Abraham is the rich land owner God said we can be. Solomon represents the wisdom and riches that God has ordained for us. Samson represents the strength we possess in God. With this strength, we can do the impossible. Gideon is the man of valor God sees within each of us. We have the courage to do anything that God asks us to accomplish. Joseph represents integrity, wisdom and prosperity that comes with God's vision. We can see beyond the physical and into the glorious reality of God. Jesus is the combination of all the characteristics of the men and women of God. He is the Prosperity, Peace, Health and the Life of God. Jesus shows us who we are in Christ. Today, let us know that we are wonderfully made in Christ. We are more than we can see. We are the "Superman" God created us to be.
The Bible draws a picture of who we are. The people in the Bible describes who God has meant for us to be. Abraham is the rich land owner God said we can be. Solomon represents the wisdom and riches that God has ordained for us. Samson represents the strength we possess in God. With this strength, we can do the impossible. Gideon is the man of valor God sees within each of us. We have the courage to do anything that God asks us to accomplish. Joseph represents integrity, wisdom and prosperity that comes with God's vision. We can see beyond the physical and into the glorious reality of God. Jesus is the combination of all the characteristics of the men and women of God. He is the Prosperity, Peace, Health and the Life of God. Jesus shows us who we are in Christ. Today, let us know that we are wonderfully made in Christ. We are more than we can see. We are the "Superman" God created us to be.
USED BY GOD:
The next time you feel like God can't use you, remember the following people:
NOAH was a drunk....
ABRAHAM was too old...
ISAAC was a day dreamer...
JACOB was a liar..
LEAH was ugly...
JOSEPH was abused...
MOSES couldn't talk...
GIDEON was afraid...
SAMPSON had long hair & was a womanizer...
RAHAB was a prostitute...
JEREMIAH and TIMOTHY were too young...
DAVID had an affair & was a murderer...
ELIJAH was suicidal...
JONAH ran from God...
NAOMI was a widow...
JOB went bankrupt...
JOHN the Baptist ate bugs...
PETER denied Christ...
The DISCIPLES fell asleep while praying...
MARTHA worried about everything...
MARY MAGDALENE was demon possessed...
The SAMARITAN WOMAN was divorced - more than once!!...
ZACCHEUS was too small...
PAUL was too religious...
TIMOTHY had an ulcer!...
and LAZARUS was dead!!!
NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!!
The next time you feel like God can't use you, remember the following people:
NOAH was a drunk....
ABRAHAM was too old...
ISAAC was a day dreamer...
JACOB was a liar..
LEAH was ugly...
JOSEPH was abused...
MOSES couldn't talk...
GIDEON was afraid...
SAMPSON had long hair & was a womanizer...
RAHAB was a prostitute...
JEREMIAH and TIMOTHY were too young...
DAVID had an affair & was a murderer...
ELIJAH was suicidal...
JONAH ran from God...
NAOMI was a widow...
JOB went bankrupt...
JOHN the Baptist ate bugs...
PETER denied Christ...
The DISCIPLES fell asleep while praying...
MARTHA worried about everything...
MARY MAGDALENE was demon possessed...
The SAMARITAN WOMAN was divorced - more than once!!...
ZACCHEUS was too small...
PAUL was too religious...
TIMOTHY had an ulcer!...
and LAZARUS was dead!!!
NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!!
Monday, April 21, 2003
Happy Easter Day. OK...happy post-Easter day. Interesting in learning more about the holiday. Click here: Easter Holiday. My Easter holiday was wonderful. I went to church and then to a family dinner. The best part? Cadbury Creme Eggs! Lent is ov-ah and I can have chocolate again. Cadbury Creme Eggs are my favorite Easter-time candy. Unfortunately you can only get them at Easter time (January to Easter) to be exact. I usually overload fairly quickly. I haven't reached my sugar tolerance level yet but I'm working on it. Anyone want to barter for Cadbury Creme Eggs?
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Friday, April 11, 2003
Thursday, April 10, 2003
In Case You Need Help Breaking the Bad News:
Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
(Check those that apply...)
___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please
resubmit your application.
___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely, ______________________
Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
(Check those that apply...)
___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please
resubmit your application.
___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely, ______________________
Are You Too Busy to Read This?
Satan's Meeting
Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said, "We can't keep Christians from going to church." "We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth." "We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their savior." "Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken." "So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, but steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ."
"This is what I want you to do," said the devil. "Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!" "How shall we do this?" his demons shouted. "Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.
"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."
"Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive...to keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ."
"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes."
"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night. Give them headaches too! If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere."
"That will fragment their families quickly!"
"Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas. Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about his resurrection and power over sin and death." "Even in their recreation, let them be excessive...have them return from their recreation exhausted. Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead." "Keep them busy, busy, busy!"
"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, leave with troubled consciences."
"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause." "It will work!" "It will work!" It was quite a plan! The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to have little time for their God or their families and having no time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives. I guess the question is, has the devil been successful at his scheme? You be the judge! Does "busy" mean:
B-eing
U-nder
S-atan's
Y-oke?
Satan's Meeting
Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said, "We can't keep Christians from going to church." "We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth." "We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their savior." "Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken." "So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, but steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ."
"This is what I want you to do," said the devil. "Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!" "How shall we do this?" his demons shouted. "Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.
"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."
"Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive...to keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ."
"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes."
"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night. Give them headaches too! If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere."
"That will fragment their families quickly!"
"Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas. Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about his resurrection and power over sin and death." "Even in their recreation, let them be excessive...have them return from their recreation exhausted. Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead." "Keep them busy, busy, busy!"
"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, leave with troubled consciences."
"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause." "It will work!" "It will work!" It was quite a plan! The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to have little time for their God or their families and having no time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives. I guess the question is, has the devil been successful at his scheme? You be the judge! Does "busy" mean:
B-eing
U-nder
S-atan's
Y-oke?
The 7 Ups
1. Wake Up !!
Decide to have a good day.
"This is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up !!
The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
I Samuel 16:7
3. Shut Up!!
Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
"He who guards his lips guards his soul."
Proverbs 13:3
4. Stand Up!!
. . . for what you believe in.
Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..."
Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up !!
. . . to the Lord.
"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me".
Philippians 4:13
6. Reach Up !!
. . . for something higher.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6
7. Lift Up !!
. . . your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."
Philippians 4:6
1. Wake Up !!
Decide to have a good day.
"This is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up !!
The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
I Samuel 16:7
3. Shut Up!!
Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
"He who guards his lips guards his soul."
Proverbs 13:3
4. Stand Up!!
. . . for what you believe in.
Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..."
Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up !!
. . . to the Lord.
"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me".
Philippians 4:13
6. Reach Up !!
. . . for something higher.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6
7. Lift Up !!
. . . your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."
Philippians 4:6
I sent this to a friend in need. I figured he couldn't be the only one out there needing a boost...
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job. His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there, and with tears in his eyes, he prayed "Lord - You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done
against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive.
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them. He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head.
Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.
Have you ever told a lie, he asked?
The man answered -- yes Lord.
Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?
The man answered yes Lord. And the man sobbed more and more.
Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours, Jesus asked?
And the man answered yes Lord.
Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?
The man, crying now, answered yes Lord.
As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever"? The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer yes Lord.
Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before. Jesus said, I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you.
It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is read the first line slowly and let it sink in. This is simple, and important.
Read on....This first line is deep:
If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart, Today.
For without You I can do nothing.
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job. His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there, and with tears in his eyes, he prayed "Lord - You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done
against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive.
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them. He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head.
Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.
Have you ever told a lie, he asked?
The man answered -- yes Lord.
Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?
The man answered yes Lord. And the man sobbed more and more.
Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours, Jesus asked?
And the man answered yes Lord.
Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?
The man, crying now, answered yes Lord.
As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever"? The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer yes Lord.
Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before. Jesus said, I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you.
It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is read the first line slowly and let it sink in. This is simple, and important.
Read on....This first line is deep:
If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart, Today.
For without You I can do nothing.
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
April Fool's!
It was an uneventful day. I didn't play any jokes on anyone and no one played a joke on me. I was interested in the origin of the day and found out the following:
In sixteenth-century France, the start of the new year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the new year fell on January first. There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true...read more
It was an uneventful day. I didn't play any jokes on anyone and no one played a joke on me. I was interested in the origin of the day and found out the following:
In sixteenth-century France, the start of the new year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the new year fell on January first. There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true...read more
Weekend Worries:
There were none. I spent the past weekend in the Detroit, MI area. My church is getting a new pastor (the installation is Sunday April 6) and my parents, daughter and I went to the ordination. It was really nice...the ordination, not the drive. The drive was 4.5 hours and we were speeding. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like if we were doing the limit. To be honest, I slept as much as possible - when I could. In between my daughter waking me up to talk to me. Obviously letting Mommy sleep wasn't high on her list of priorities like getting sleep was on mine. Anyway, we made it there without any mishaps. We checked into our motel, made a few calls and then went to dinner with our soon-to-be new pastor, his mom and family friends. We got back to the hotel and crashed.
Sunday, we got up and went to church. Back to the motel to check out and then to Coney Dogs for breakfast. Amazing as it sounds, the breakfast was delicious. My stepdad's cousin lives in the area. She's a bonafide blues singer - Sweet Claudette. She has out two albums on B4 Reel Records. We are very proud. We spent almost 4 hours in that little diner eating and talking and catching up. The waitress kept the coffee cups full and got a nice little tip out of it. Back to the church for the ordination - my daughter conveniently fell asleep on my lap. Downstairs to the reception and then on the road. We didn't get back home until after midnight. I intended to go to work on Monday. My body had other plans. Good thing too because I hadn't done my daughter's laundry or packed for her to go to her dad's house this week. I needed the rest and was able to get done what I needed to get done. Back to the weekly grind!
There were none. I spent the past weekend in the Detroit, MI area. My church is getting a new pastor (the installation is Sunday April 6) and my parents, daughter and I went to the ordination. It was really nice...the ordination, not the drive. The drive was 4.5 hours and we were speeding. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like if we were doing the limit. To be honest, I slept as much as possible - when I could. In between my daughter waking me up to talk to me. Obviously letting Mommy sleep wasn't high on her list of priorities like getting sleep was on mine. Anyway, we made it there without any mishaps. We checked into our motel, made a few calls and then went to dinner with our soon-to-be new pastor, his mom and family friends. We got back to the hotel and crashed.
Sunday, we got up and went to church. Back to the motel to check out and then to Coney Dogs for breakfast. Amazing as it sounds, the breakfast was delicious. My stepdad's cousin lives in the area. She's a bonafide blues singer - Sweet Claudette. She has out two albums on B4 Reel Records. We are very proud. We spent almost 4 hours in that little diner eating and talking and catching up. The waitress kept the coffee cups full and got a nice little tip out of it. Back to the church for the ordination - my daughter conveniently fell asleep on my lap. Downstairs to the reception and then on the road. We didn't get back home until after midnight. I intended to go to work on Monday. My body had other plans. Good thing too because I hadn't done my daughter's laundry or packed for her to go to her dad's house this week. I needed the rest and was able to get done what I needed to get done. Back to the weekly grind!
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