Halloween Public Service Announcement

Just in time for October 31...

1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
3. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin, Sanskrit, or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. Although this seems harsh, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note that it will take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
6. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
7. Always believe the kid. Even if the kid has lied before, even if you think that the kid has been watching too much TV -- believe the kid.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief -- GET OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
10. The weirdo is always the one who saw this coming.
11. Do not take anything from the dead.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you're doing.
13. If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get out of the area.
14. Never, ever, make fun of the "odd" kid.
15. Don't go camping.
16. If at any time the house or place you're staying in asks you to get out - DON'T argue.
17. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice; more if you are of the female persuasion and/or wearing high heels. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/ creature is now in front of you.
18. Listen to the dying person. They have the best ideas.
19. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, etc., kill them immediately.
20. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, and you think it strange because you were sure you had a full tank, shoot yourself. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
21. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
22. Castles are not normally found in the American Midwest. Be wary.
23. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools; for example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, laser pistols, Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators, or any devices made from deceased companions. Also, be wary of anyone driving a combine.