Deja Vu

After 18 months of living apart, MD and I are officially moved back in together. My stuff is in his place - well my clothes are. Most of my belongings are still in my storage unit. But I'm trying to be optimistic about this "second chance". I thought maybe I was having a crisis of faith but now I'm not so sure. We are fond of saying "Let go and let God" but how many of us really do it. So I'm in put up or shut up mode. The man asked me to live with him so we are going to see how this works out. I wonder if this qualifies as an experiment. What are the parameters? Hmmm...I'm going to have to think about his.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

Munchkin continually surprises me with her insights. Today we are driving into "work" (mine is my job, her's is school). We are listening to the Doug Banks Morning Show and Michael Jackson's "Remember the Time" comes on the air.

Munchkin: I saw that lady's picture in the paper.
Mommy: What lady?
Munchkin: The lady singing.
Mommy: Munchkin that's a MAN.
Munchkin: Oh. I saw that man's picture in the paper.
Mommy: I need to call your daddy and tell him this one.

Needless to say I thought it was very amusing. But then I realized that I never said who was singing and that she realized the person singing and the picture were the same person. That is kind of eery.

Backhanded Compliment

Lately I've been hearing "You don't look pregnant from behind." I'm not quite sure how to take this. Obviously I feel pregnant all over so logic would say I look pregnant all over. Unfortunately I can't see myself from behind so I have to take other people's word for it. It just doesn't feel like a good thing though. This had led me to analyze this pregnancy compared to my other and I've come up with the following things that are different:

1. I've gained less weight. By the time I had Munchkin I had packed on around 30 pounds. With Munckin-in-Training (MIT), I've barely put on 15. Although this could change in the next 6 weeks, I doubt it will put me close to 30.

2. I'm under more stress. When I was pregnant with Munchkin, I had a pretty stress-free job. I was doing contract work that wasn't really work and didn't take much effort. My job now is stress-laden. Deadlines to meet, erratic hours, etc. However I wouldn't trade them. I like my job now and knew that it was stressful when I decided to stay here 4.5 years ago. I was involved in church but not to the extent that I am now. I have a position now with A LOT more responsibilities and at the moment there aren't a lot of people to take them on. MD thinks I'm doing to much and has threatened to cut back for me if I don't do it myself. This sounds very good in theory.

3. I'm carrying this baby differently. Munckin rode high. When she dropped, I breathed easier, literally. MIT is riding low. That would explain that I have more pain in my hips.

4. Speaking of pain, I'm in more pain. The kidney stone incident pretty much tops it. Munchkin's pregnancy was relatively pain free except for back pain towards the end. With MIT, I have a touch of sciatica. The problem with this is that I really can't take painkillers to combat the pain. I just have to grin and bear it. I'm afraid labor pain is going to take the cake. I'm shooting for a drug-free labor but that may not happen. I was able to do it with Munchkin and don't see why I shouldn't be able to with MIT but every baby is different.

5. I'm more out of shape. I was able to aquaerobics when I was pregnant with Munchkin and I think that really helped with labor and delivery. No such with MIT. Referring to number 2 I really don't have the time or energy. By the time I get home the last thing on my mind is bend and stretch.

6. I'm on more vitamins. I am severly anemic this go round. Therefore on top of my horse pills aka pre-natal vitamins, I'm also taking horse pills aka iron pills. The only saving grace to finding out I am anemic is that it makes me feel better about some of the symptoms I've been feeling (tired, cracked lips, etc.).

7. MIT is A LOT more active than Munchkin was. It kicks at all hours of the day and I'm not quite sure when it sleeps. I'm curious what kind of personality it will have once it arrives.


With that said, my only concern right now is delivering a healthy baby all the other details will fall where they will.

Bears Beat the Packers!!

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Milestone Birthdays and Parents of the Year!

Munchkin's birthday is Saturday. She will be 5. Yes five. For those that know me personally it has been 5 years and we are just as shocked as you that our baby is now a little girl. With that said we have been planning her birthday party for Sunday. Why? Because Munchkin's Ganny beat us to the punch and got her tickets to the Lion King for Saturday night. I personally don't have the strenght or energy to have both events in one day. So she gets to have a birthday weekend instead of just a birthday day. Lion King and dinner on Saturday. Birthday party on Sunday.

As far as the parents of the year award, Munchkin is has been asking for a kitten for about a year. Well happened upon someone who was giving a 2 month old kitten away for free. This includes supplies and the shot schedule has already been started. Munchkin gets this particular gift tomorrow but I believe that it will be the best one of the bunch. Better than that Chou Chou doll she keeps begging for. Part of a parents' joy is being able to surprise your child like this. I think I'm more excited than she is.

We'll keep you posted about how the party goes and the receipt of the kitten.

Oh yeah, it's my mom's birthday on Saturday too. Yes her only grandchild was born on her birthday. Happy birthday forever!

Pregnant Paranoia or Subliminal Messaging?

I mentioned previously that Munchkin's dad (hereafter referred to as MD) and I have been working it out and reconciling. The other night I had this weird/bad dream about him. While I won't include the exact details, the gist of the dream was that he was leaving me for his ex. That this was happening in a couple days and he was telling me now pretty much on his way out the door to spend the evening with her. My reaction was to pretty much snap off. The reason this is sticking with me is because in the dream and when I woke up I just felt ashamed. I handled the situation very badly and pretty much just showed my ass. I mean I was angry and hurt but mostly felt ashamed. I lost control and the situation just went downhill. Obviously I have some unresolved issue(s) but more so I was surprised by my behavior. I think that’s what made it a bad dream for me more than anything.

MD said I shoulda kicked him in the neck. I have a friend I talk to on a regular basis. He provides me with my male perspective on things going on in my life. His take was that "you confronted one of your fears and your true feelings came out. Well at least your dreams reveal the truth. Why are you ashamed that you love your baby daddy?" (Side note: I don't like the term baby daddy. It has a negative connotation and MD is a father. But I got his point). I think this is a good question.

When MD and I broke up previously it was pretty ugly. The fact that we are friends now is grounded in the fact that we started as friends and established a very good friendship before starting a relationship. I'm a firm believer in this notion and this is proof positive that it works. In addition, we are forever tied to each other through Munchkin and are dedicated to making sure she has the best parents possible. The best family possible. We firmly believe we are a family whether he and I are together or not and our children should not suffer because Mommy and Daddy don't get along. Anyway, I digress.

When MD and I broke up previously it was pretty ugly. There were a lot of hurt feelings. Mine more than his because I felt that he went out of his way to intentionally hurt me and I didn't appreciate it (Of course this is my opinion. He might say something different). He has since apologized and I have since forgiven but it's not something you can forget. I will say that it hasn't affected me negatively in my relationships with other people. One person commented soon after the breakup that he ruined me for all men. I responded that he ruined me for him. In light of the fact that we are reconciling, I'm trying to be open-minded about his affection and professed love, but there is that nagging "what if it happens again?" in the back of my head.

I think this has influenced my feelings and my expression of my feelings for him. I'm hesitant about truly letting go and loving him like I once did because of "what if?" The emotional part of me says just do it. You did it before and you can do it again. The rational part of me says "don't play the fool twice." Unfortunately I'm more rational than emotional and now I'm caught between these two halves. I think that is what caused the dream. (Side note: The fact that my hormones are at higher levels than normal probably don't help either.)

Either way I think I'm at a put up or shut up stage. It goes back to my friend's question "Why are you ashamed that you love your baby daddy?" I think the answer is not that I am ashamed. I'm scared. It's hard to let yourself go twice when it was hard to do it once. It's something I'm going to have to work on if I want my relationship to be positive and move forward. It's something that I have been putting off doing because who wants to do the hard things in life? It's something that I need to do now because otherwise it wouldn't be invading my dreams. Especially since at 33 weeks pregnant sleep is a valuable commodity. It's also something I'll have to blog about later cause it's late and I need to get some of that precious sleep.

Need a Job?

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Kimberly@ProsInRealty.com

For Hot Beverage Lovers Everywhere...

My company has a Flavia machine in it and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! Well now they are available for purchase in a smaller size for homes. I had to share the news because I want a Flavia machine in my house (Christmas is coming - hint, hint). Anyway, details are as follows: the FLAVIA SB100 Brewer is a revolutionary brew-by-pack unit allows you to brew FLAVIA gourmet coffee and tea at home. It costs only $99 and can be purchased online at http://www.flavia.net/flavianet/ or by calling 1- 877-336-2633. FLAVIA is a subsidiary of Masterfoods (yes this is the parent company of M&M/Mars!)

Let the holiday shopping begin!

An Update Kidney Stones...

As previously mentioned I went to the doctor on Thursday. What I forgot to mention is that while the stone has passed I am now anemic. I get to take iron pills in addition to the prenatals that make me nauseous. Happy, happy! Joy, joy! Although the anemia explains quite a few things that have been bugging me lately - like with all the fluids I'm taking in, why do I feel dehydrated and my lips are chapped. Hopefully a week of these will cure that and then I'll be on them until my doctor says stop. My main concern is that the baby will be early and we won't be ready. Call it maternal intuition but I don't think this baby is waiting until December 29 to make an appearance.

P.S. We will not be accepting "combo" gifts because the baby is born around Christmas. Unless of course they are REALLY, REALLY big gifts that could count as two.

2 Births for the Price of 1?

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been at home writhing in pain. The cause - a kidney stone! As if being pregnant wasn't enough I had to pass a kidney stone.

It started with back pain a few weeks ago and led up to me being admitted to the hospital on Sunday. At least I wasn't in labor but after the pain at least I would have had something to show for my efforts.

My post passing of the kidney stone appointment was today. My doctor says everything looks OK. He's going to check my urine and my back will hurt as my system heals. Good Lord! I wouldn't wish a kidney stone on my worst enemy. You may start with the sympathy at any time. :)