Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Summer Shoe Pledge

It's that time of year - summertime. When women are exposing their toes to the world, whether they should be doing it or not. Please read this public service announcement before you do so.

Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes.

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial, rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

If I have been privy to the magic that is Foot Soap, I will share that knowledge and experience with the non-initiated.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

This is my summer shoe pledge to you.

Week 121

Unconscious Mutterings
  1. Crowd:: Pleaser
  2. Hamburger:: Helper
  3. Choker:: Necklace
  4. Lights:: Camera, Action
  5. Tinsel:: Town
  6. Testament:: Books of the bible
  7. Best part of the day:: Waking up
  8. Election:: Rigged
  9. Clarinet:: Woodwind
  10. Dead Sea:: Scrolls

Monday, May 16, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me

Today marks an auspicious occasion...my birthday. I officially enter the 30s around 8:00 pm today and will be 31. I guess I could be sad about being 31 except for a few things...
  1. I don't look 31
  2. MD is 5 years older than me so I will always have someone to be younger than
  3. Brothaman is 4 years younger than me but I look younger than him
  4. The women in my family age gracefully
I'm blessed to have made it this far. I hope to make it another 31 years and more. Happy Birthday to meeeeeee!!!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Why Parents Go Gray

The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper,


"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"


"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes, " whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No he's busy" whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and even more then a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:


Monday, May 09, 2005

Week 118

Here you go with Unconscious Mutterings

  1. Android:: R2D2
  2. Revenge:: Best Served Cold
  3. Knight:: of the Round Table
  4. Stranded:: Lost
  5. Weakness:: Cheesecake
  6. Greed:: Deadly Sin
  7. Walter:: Kronkite
  8. Dense:: Hard-Headed
  9. Sheep:: God's Own
  10. Propane:: Grilling

Thursday, May 05, 2005

8 weeks and counting

It’s officially eight weeks since I had Squirt. Being the mother of 3 has its challenges but so far so good. So far so good…who am I kidding? As you can tell by my unkymood, I am zombified. Lack of sleep + breastfeeding + 3 kids at home all the time + not eating well = zombified. Despite all that, everyone keeps telling me how good I look. I will say that breastfeeding has helped me shed most of the pregnancy weight. Based on my weigh-in today I am 10 pounds heavier than where I started out. However the dark circles under my eyes must be invisible to everyone else but me. We’ve had a lot going on in the past two months so let’s start at the beginning.

A New House
As of February 23, MD and I own a house. The house we were hoping to get we got and closed on in record time. As of February 26 we had bought our washer and dryer. Consumer Reports came in handy for that. As of February 28 we had moved into said house. Yes, closed on Wednesday and moved on Monday. We used Golan Moving and Storage. I HIGHLY recommend them to anyone moving anytime soon. They were professional and quick and worth the money. So within a week we were living in the suburbs of Chicago.

This particular move is amazing. First of all MD swore he would never live in the suburbs yet when we started looking for a house – seriously looking not just contemplating it – he suggested moving to the suburbs. I wisely kept my mouth shut and asked where. Imagine my surprise when he wanted to move to my hometown. Basically the deciding factor was money goes farther in the suburbs. You get more house out here than in the city. It’s a sad state of affairs but the truth. Considering we needed more space this was very important. We now have a 4BR/2.5BA house with a 2 car garage. It’s not a big house from the outside but it’s laid out well. We have a separate living room and dining room, an eat-in kitchen with wood floors and family room. The yard needs work but that’s because no one took care of it. The yard is definitely something we can tackle together.

We still have boxes to unpack but we make progress everyday. WE HAVE A HOUSE!

A New Baby
We moved into the new house on February 28 and Squirt made his appearance on March 9. As noted he was born at 7:44 pm. We had our regularly scheduled appointment that afternoon and the doctor sent us over to the hospital to be induced. We went home to get my bag. By the time we got back to the hospital around 6 – 6:30 the contractions were coming regularly. I guess Squirt decided he didn’t want to be evicted. This is the 3rd time I had completely natural labor. I feel like superwoman. I breathed through the contractions and when I was at the point where I wanted to ask for drugs I decided to push. I pushed once and he crowned. I pushed again and the head was out. 3rd push and he squirted out – literally. If the doctor hadn’t caught him, he would have fallen on the ground. 3 pushes and no stitches. I was overjoyed. All the nurses were impressed. I was the hero in the maternity ward. We got to go home on Friday – to our new house. I’ll never get tired of saying that.

A New School
Munchkin started kindergarten at her new school and LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVES IT. Every day she comes home and I ask her how school was and she says Great. They have a play at school on Friday and she knew her lines from day 1.

We’ve had a lot of new beginnings in the past few months. Case in point – Munchkin and Squirm just started swim lessons on Tuesday. As if we didn’t have enough to do we have swim lessons, right? MD is loving it. I’m just tired. Pray for us.