Watch Night Service

I've always wondered about Watch Night Service. Why it was called "Watch Night Service"? why did black people participate and not others? A friend sent me this message and it all became clear.
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Many of you who live or grew up in Black communities in the United States have probably heard of "Watch Night Services," the gathering of the faithful in church on New Year's Eve. The service usually begins anywhere from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. and ends at midnight with the entrance of the New Year.Some folks come to church first, before going out to celebrate. For others, church is the only New Year's Eve event. Like many others, I always assumed that Watch Night was a fairly standard Christian religious service -- made a bit more Afro centric because that's what happens when elements of Christianity become linked with the Black Church. Still, it seemed that predominately White Christian churches did not include Watch Night services on their calendars, but focused instead on Christmas Eve programs. In fact, there were instances where clergy in mainline denominations wondered aloud about the propriety of linking religious services with a secular holiday like New Year's Eve.

However, there is a reason for the importance of New Year's Eve services in African American congregations.The Watch Night Services in Black communities that we celebrate today can be traced back to gatherings on December 31, 1862, also known as "Freedom's Eve." On that night, Blacks came together in churches and private homes all across the nation, anxiously awaiting news that the Emancipation Proclamation actually had become law. Then, at the stroke of midnight, it was January 1, 1863, and all slaves in the Confederate States were declared legally free. When the news was received, there were p! rayers, shouts and songs of joy as people fell to their knees and thanked God. Black folks have gathered in churches annually on New Year's Eve ever since, praising God for bringing us safely through another year.

It's been 142 years since that first Freedom's Eve and many of us were never taught the African American history of Watch Night, but tradition still brings us together at this time every year to celebrate "how we got over".

Get Your Free Credit Report

As found in the Everyday Cheapskate daily newsletter. Please consider yourself in the know now.

It's been a year since the Fair and Accurate Credit Transactions Act (FACTA) became law. The law, packed with new protections for consumers, provides that every person in the United States is entitled to receive one free personal credit report each year from each of the three major credit bureaus -- Experian, Equifax and TransUnion -- through a centralized source. Due to the enormity of this national giveaway, the bureaus were granted permission to rollout free credit reports by region.

Here's when you can look forward to getting your free credit report:

-- Dec. 1, 2004: Western states
-- March 1, 2005: Midwestern states
-- June 1, 2005: Southern states
-- Sept. 1, 2005: Eastern states.

Until your region becomes active, unless you live in the handful of states that already offer free credit reports (Colorado, Georgia, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland or Vermont), you'll need to pay as much as $9 to look at your credit record. There are three ways you can gain access to your free reports:

ON THE INTERNET: www.AnnualCreditReport.com (the only service the bureaus have authorized for requesting your free annual report) will allow you to request, view and print one, two or all three of your free credit reports quickly via this secure Internet site. I live in the West and can report that this site works well. The process is quick and efficient. I had one of my free credit reports printed within 7 minutes of arriving at the site.

CALL TOLL-FREE: (877) 322-8228

VIA MAIL: Annual Credit Report Request Service, P.O. Box 105281, Atlanta, GA 30348-5281.

Allow 15 days to process phone and mail requests.

Credit bureaus are for-profit corporations raking in billions of dollars each year by selling consumer data. They sell your information for marketing purposes. That explains many of the unsolicited offers and piles of junk in your mailbox. These bureaus also gather credit and other data on all adults in the United States, occasionally even a child or pet from time to time, which always make for a funny story. They compete with one another to sell copies of our reports to us. At a minimum cost of $9 a pop, you can imagine the loss of revenue they are facing as free reports become available region by region.

But they sell more than just credit reports. They sell credit monitoring, credit scores, 3-in-1 credit profiles and on it goes. This will not change. The FTC has given the bureaus permission to "up-sell" us when we request a free credit report. Unless you are refinancing or applying for credit you need to view your credit score only occasionally (once a year at the most). You can monitor your own credit report. My advice is to just take your three free reports (stagger them so you get one every 4 months) and to not fall for offers of add-ons.

Fine Black Men Are Everywhere!

I know I blogged about the calendars, but this is even better. Talk about a way to heat up Christmas!


THE RUNDU MEN ARE COMING TO A T.V. NEAR YOU!
Take a break from the ordinary with a sneak video peak of the first national commercial of the award-winning RUNDU MEN erotic (yet classy) calendars and book, Wetdreams.

You are invited to see some of the sexiest, most handsome Black Men on the planet. Tell your friends. They'll be glad you did. Click http://www.rundu.com/gversion.htm

WANT TO TURN UP THE HEAT?
The above link is to our "G" Version commercial. If you can handle it, click the link below to access the Hot Version. Fair Warning: Not for the faint of heart. http://www.rundu.com/hversion.htm

Christmas Spirit

For those of you who, like myself, still haven't gotten into the Christmas Spirit. I present this. If nothing else, elf tossing is good for a laugh.

What Kind of Soul Are You?

If you aren't supposed to think on Monday, then you REALLY shouldn't be exerting to much brain effort on Wednesdays. I found this at Yolanda's .

You Are an Old Soul

You are an experience soul who appreciates tradition. Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone. Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient. A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people. You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others. Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone. But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Are You a True Chicagoan?

Saw this at Keidra's and decided to give it a try. I'm not really surprised by the results considering I've lived her almost my entire life.


You are a true Chicagoan! You've probably lived
here for a long time, or are thoroughly
obsessed with the city and its history.
Congratulations! Maybe you should run for
office.


Are You a True Chicagoan?
brought to you by Quizilla

Winter Holiday Fun

Translate these encoded holiday song titles into their more familiar form.

1. The lad is a diminutive percussionist.
2. Stepping on the pad cover.
3. The red suited PA is due in this burg.
4. Cup-shaped sounding instruments fashioned of a white metallic element.
5. The apartment of two psychiatrists.
6. Decorate the entryways.
7. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.
8. Far back in the hay bin.
9. Tiny little Alan, Martin, and Nat.
10. Uncouth Dolf has his beezer in the booze and thinks he is a dark cloud's boyfriend.
11. Duodecimal enumeration of the passage of the Yuletide season.
12. Leave and do an elevated broadcast.
13. Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your Yuletide Season.
14. Small Israeli urban center.
15. Listen, the winged heavenly messengers are proclaiming tunefully.
16. As the guardians of little woolly animals protected their charges in the shadows of the night.
17. Behold I envisioned a trio of nautical vessels.
18. A parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster.
19. The primary ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
20. I'm fantasizing concerned a blanched Yuletide.

Picture Day Part 2

So I got Munchkin's pictures back today. They are gorgeous. Eva the Diva has nothing on her. Now we just have to decide which ones to keep. Essentially they give you all the sheets and you keep and pay for what you want and send back the rest. Who make this up? These people aren't slick. Sucker the parents in with the pictures in their hands and then say decide. Plus with the problems from day 1, we are getting a 10% discount on any package we choose. Decisions, decisions!

Tag - You're It!

I've been enjoying reading these little get-to-know me's but I never planned to do one until Yolanda tagged me. I thought she was my friend but a smartass remark about jell-o has apparently come back to haunt me. Anyway, I AM a smartass so take these with a grain of salt.

Three names you go by:
Ayaba
Ayaba
Ayaba (ok, ok Mommy)

Three screennames you have:
tbew516
missya
iball74

Three things you like about yourself:
I'm too stubborn to let life overwhelm me
I'm hot and I know it (MD knows it too)
I'm mean - it'makes my ability to deal with bullshit better

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
I’m *gulp* a procrastinator.
It took me a long to too realize that I'm hot - talk about waste of time
That I can't seem to lose the weight I want to

Three parts of your heritage:
African
American Indian (no I don't know which ones but these red undertones come from somewhere)
Caucasian

Three things that scare you:
Losing my identity (become just know as Munchkin's/Squirm's mommy, MD's girlfriend, etc.)
Going to hell - as if I needed a reason to know Jesus, this just makes sure I stay on track
Not teaching my girls everything they need to know to be truly independent women

Three of your everyday essentials:
God
Baby kisses from my girls
Sleep

Three things you are wearing right now:
Tank top
Shorts
No drawz (it's bedtime OK)

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):
Jill Scott
india.arie
Prince

Three of your favorite songs at present:
The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
Ring Around the Rosy - Squirm has been singing this, just figured out what she was saying
Any house music - love those Friday ride home mixes as I try not to crash my car

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Being a mother of 3 (yes I'm expecting)
Starting a new job (I've had a few nibbles)
Buy a house (this house)

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Honesty
Good sex/Affection (how do you think MD and I have all these chilluns)
Spiritual connection

Two truths and a lie:
I’m ambidextrous
I hate cheesecake
I love fruit

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:
Nice legs - ending in a
Nice ass - housing a
Big d*ck - all attached to a man who knows how to work all 3

Three things you just can't do:
Do a backflip - 3 years in cheerleading and I still land on my head
Drive a stickshift - my stepdad taught Brothaman but not me
Get through the days on less than 6 hours of sleep (well I can but no one would like me very much)

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Reading
Counted cross-stitch
Sleeping - this is a hobby, if done well it provides much personal satisfaction

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
Travel
Pay off all my bills
Get in my bed and not get out for a while

Three careers you're considering:
College career counselor
College Recruiter
College student - I want my MBA

Three places you want to go on vacation:
Fiji
Ibiza
Tom Joyner's Fantastic Voyage

Three kids names:
Nunya - I already told you I wasn't going to reveal my children's identities

Three things you want to do before you die:
See Munchkin on the big screen (she is a drama queen)
Get married before my grandma dies (with all these great-grandkids we keep giving her, she deserves to see one of her grandkids get married)
Win the lottery so I can travel and pursue those other careers I talked about

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die painfully:
Chris
Khandi
Lauriean

A Letter From Santa Claus

A new contract for Santa has been negotiated...Please read the following carefully.

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the Earth, my contract was re-negotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now only serve certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.

However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement that happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. They are as follows:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads "This sleigh insured by Smith & Wesson".
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers children to leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba's sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead you will hear "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliot and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond "I hear'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have Yosemite Sam mud flaps with the words "Back Off". The last I heard, it has other decorations as well. One is a Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee-wee on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your viewing area. Instead you will see "Ernest Saves Christmas" and "Smoky and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure that you, the wife and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put the presents under the tree.
9. Don't look for the traditional stocking items this year either. Instead of chocolates and candy canes, children in the South can expect to find beef jerky, Vienna sausages and a can of Spam.
10. Toys will be assembled by Bubba Claus's elves in his Freedom Homes doublewide workshop.
11. And finally, lovely Christmas songs such as Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" will be replaced. "Bubba Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" will be played repeatedly on radio stations all over the South.

Sincerely yours,

Santa Claus

Template Woes

(whiny voice) I'm tired of my template. I want something new. I need some advice on some tools I can use to create a new template. The ones blogger has are OK but I want to take that and then add my own embellishments. All suggestions are welcome. Thank you! (/whiny voice)

Fun with Quizzes

Seen at Shasta's and duplicated here.

Which John Hughes Movie Character Are You?


How White Trash Are You?


Which Marvel(tm) Superheroine Are You?


Which Movie Hero Are You?


What Michael Jackson Are You?


The Bitch Quiz


How Gangsta Are You?

Picture Day but No Pictures

Yesterday was supposed to be picture day at Munchkin's school. What does this mean, dear friends? It means that I got up at 6:00 to get ready, get Squirm ready (who woke up at 4:00 because she went to bed early) and get Munchkin up. Munchkin was excited because she knew that picture day meant she would get to wear her hair down.

Sidebar: Munchkin has hair - A LOT of hair. A LOT of thick hair.

Anyway, we get up and I get Munchkin in the bathroom as soon as possible to "do hair". Because Munchkin has a healthy head of it, I have to press her hair for her to wear it down. There is no way around this. She has a good grade of hair and it's healthy so there is no reason for me to put perm in it just to make my life easier. Although I'm sure she would love for it to happen so she could wear it down more often. It's not going to happen anytime soon. We'll just keep her hair braided like we've been doing.

Anyway, I digress. It took me 1 hour - yes 1 hour to press her hair. She has that much hair people. And I used the electric pressing comb. For all the black women like me who used to be little black girls this is a big deal. The electric pressing comb is a new development. We had to sit still in a hot kitchen with the hot from the fire pressing comb put in our hair. Many a chocolate "kiss" rested on our ears after that ordeal. Munchkin doesn't have to go through this. She doesn't know how lucky she is. She didn't get burned once - yay Mommy with the steady hand. I don't know how she didn't get burned since she moved around so much in the chair I about lost it. I threatened to send her to school with her hair half done. Her vanity got the best of her and she settled down. After pressing her hair I was going to curl it for her. She didn't want it curled. She wanted the ponytail in the front, down in the back and that's it. Well Thank God for small favors.

I bundled up the girls and get them out the door only to be met by a torrential downpour. WHAT THE FARK!!! Screw it. It was a WHAT THE FUCK! moment. Pressed hair and rain DO NOT go together. In fact they are natural enemies. The first thing a mother tells her daughter once the hair is pressed is don't get it wet. Don't run around because you will sweat. Don't get in the pool. Nothing that will cause the hair to revert to it's natural state after all that work. Luckily I had an umbrella - a large one but my mood was already dark. Munchkin didn't have her umbrella so now I have Munchkin, me and Squirm in her stroller all under one umbrella trying not to get wet. Praying that her hair doesn't get wet or even pull moisture from the air.

We got to the car OK, got in the car OK, got to school OK. Thank God again for small favors. Hair is intact and looks good. She is very pretty in her picture dress. Kisses all around, have a good day and don't give the fake smile.

I get home from work and ask MD how pictures went. His reply was they didn't. Excuse me? What do you mean they didn't? Apparently the picture man plugged in his equipment and blew a fuse. Half the school was without power. Once power was back up his equipment did not work. Picture day has been rescheduled to Thursday. But we get 10% off any package we pick. You have to be shitting me. 10% does not make up for what we went through that morning. But you know what, I will be doing it all again tomorrow so Munchkin can wear her hair down for pictures.

They need to put these little lessons in the mommy manual.

Friday Funny

Today's funny is courtesy of Gommie. Enjoy!

What Gender is it ?

You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. For example:

1. Ziploc bags - Male
   They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2. Copiers - Female
   They are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3. Tire - Male
   It is male because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4. Hot Air Balloon - Male
   Itis maile because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5. Sponges - Female
   They are female because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6. Web Page - Female
   It is female because it's always getting hit on.
7. Subway - Male
   It is male because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8. Hourglass - Female
   It is female because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9. Hammer - Male
   It is male because it hasn't changed much over the last 5000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10. Remote Control - Female.
    Yeah, you thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Hoo-ha?

Julia has a classic post about massage posted on her website, tequila mockingbird. I always enjoy her writing but this particular post had me CRYING at work while I tried to hold back the howls. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Stop Telemarketers Before They Start

No funny information today (sorry Yolanda) but more of a public service announcement.

A directory of cell phone numbers will be published soon. The Federal Trade Commission has set up a do not call list. You must call from the number you wish to register. The number is 1-888-382-1222 or you can go to the link below to register your cell phones on line at https://www.donotcall.gov/register/Reg.aspx. The website also has info on how to file a complaint, verify registration and more information in general. It never hurts to be informed.

I'm all about helping the consumer today. Jean Chatzky provides daily money tips. Check out the website for more information on getting on the road to financial security. It's pretty informative. The following tip is for those people out there crying every time they go to the gas station.

The Gas Equation
When I leased my Dodge Durango, I knew it was a gas guzzler. It's big—seating seven—and mighty comfortable. I could handle the fact that it was only giving me (according to the onboard computer) 12 to 13 miles to the gallon when it was costing me only $25 to $27 to fill it up. But when it started costing me upwards of (gulp) $40, I needed strategies to make sure I was getting the most out of every last drop. Here's what you need to do, according to the Federal Trade Commission:

Fill 'er up. Not your tank, but your tires. Keeping them inflated to the proper levels (which you'll find in your owner's manual) will boost fuel efficiency.

Pay for maintenance. Changing the oil, spark plugs, and filters as recommended in your owner's manual can also help your car run more efficiently.

Stop speeding. According to the FTC, driving at 65 miles per hour rather than 55 will increase fuel consumption by 20 percent; Go 75 mph and fuel consumption jumps by another 25 percent. Avoid revving starts as well.

Paying a premium. Finally, make sure you're buying the proper octane gas for your car. Putting premium gasoline in a car that calls for regular won't get you better mileage, but it will cost you significantly more money these days.

Monday Mayhem

I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving weekend. I will have a recap later. Until then, enjoy the following funny that I received in my email inbox.

WALMART, IS THE STORE THAT HAS EVERYTHING...
Coming Soon to a Store Near You.....

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer printed the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard.. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

Wednesday Wackiness

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damned floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hey?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass?

XYZ PDQ

The aim of this little exercise is to type the letter from the alphabet into your address bar and post the first URL that comes up. This should be interesting.

a: http://www.aaaa.org/eweb/DynamicPage.aspx?WebCode=LoginRequired
b: http://www.babycenter.com/expert/baby/babysafety/9434.html
c: http://www.cantondailyledger.com/articles/2004/11/19/news/news2.txt
d: http://www.deephousepage.com
e: http://www.ebloggy.com/blog.php?username=Kady24&id=1&start=0
f: http://www.freedomsalon.com/body.html
g: http://ginabarge.blogspot.com
h: http://www.haloscan.com
i: http://www.imagesbychrishawn.com/bagolicious/accessorize.html
j: http://jamieslife.blogdrive.com/
k: http://www.keepmedia.com/pubs/Direct/2004/11/01/638673?extID=10026
l: http://www.lestoil.net/bbpg/girls/laur.html
m: http://www.lestoil.net/bbpg/girls/laur.html
n: http://www.nappturality.com/
o: http://www.obamablog.com/index.php
p: http://parklosangeles.hyatt.com/property/index.jhtml
q:
r: http://www.remington-homes.com/floorplans.asp?model=fieldstone&W=rrs
s: http://www.saatchi.com/worldwide/index1.html
t: http://tamsworld.blogspot.com
u: http://www.unkymoods.com/index.asp
v: http://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/results.aspx?keyword=pumpkin
w: http://web.theparisnews.com/story.lasso?wcd=16894
x:
y: http://web.theparisnews.com/story.lasso?wcd=16894
z: http://www.zinio.com/main?ns=zno

Friday Funny

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, " I must have you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!" The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said, "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened." An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked. The lady said "That M.F. had $500 in quarters!"

A True Friend

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty. He said...no.

She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.

She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough.

As she walked away, tears streaming down her face

The boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...


SO NOW I WILL SAY:
"A good friend will come bail you out of jail.... But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying ... WE f*cked up!

Am I Really that Bull-Headed?

Ursula found a quiz that let me know How Taurus Am I. Results are below...

You are 67% Taurus

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Go Munchkin, It's Your Birthday

It's Munchkin's and Gommie's birthday today. Munchkin is 6. I don't tell Gommie's age. If you want to know, be bold and ask her yourself. At any rate, 6 years ago today at 2:33 am, Munchkin made her entrance into the world. She looked everyone in the face and then cried because she was cold and no one was moving to cover her up. She hasn't looked back since. We will be enjoying ice cream and cake with a Kim Possible motif today at school. Weekend plans are still TBD. She is very excited. Birthdays are and should always be fun days. They should be filled with family, friends and celebration. She is blessed and I'm blessed she is mine. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Munchkin (and Gommie)!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

The most profound thing Munchkin ever said to MD and I was "Mommy and Daddy, I picked you!" It stops and makes you think about the choices and paths God puts us on. He gave us this little life to love and nurture and bring to fruition and it's the toughest and yet most rewarding job we will ever have.

When I got the following email it made me remember that moment. I checked on the validity and for the most part it's true. That's what makes it a little more porfound. Enjoy and have a wonderful weekend.

Jesus and the Mud Puddle

Howard County Sheriff Jerry Marr got a disturbing call one Saturday afternoon a few months ago. His 6-year-old grandson Mikey had been hit by a car while fishing in Greentown with his dad.

The father and son were near a bridge by the Kokomo Reservoir when a lady lost control of her car, slid off the bridge and hit Mikey at a rate of about 50 mph.

Sheriff Marr had seen the results of accidents like this and feared the worst. When he got to Saint Joseph Hospital, he rushed through the emergency room to find Mikey conscious and in fairly good spirits.

"Mikey, what happened?" Sheriff Marr asked.

Mikey replied, "Well, Papaw, I was fishin' with Dad, and some lady runned me over, I flew into a mud puddle, and broke my fishin' pole and I didn't get to catch no fish!"

As it turned out, the impact propelled Mikey about 500 feet, over a few trees and an embankment and in the middle of a mud puddle. His only injuries were to his right femur bone which had broken in two places. Mikey had surgery to place pins in his leg. Otherwise the boy is fine.

Since all the boy could talk about was that his fishing pole was broken, the Sheriff went out to Wal-mart and bought him a new one while he was in surgery so he could have it when he came out.

The next day the Sheriff sat with Mikey to keep him company in the hospital. Mikey was enjoying his new fishing pole and talked about when he could go fishing again as he cast into the trash can.

When they were alone, Mikey, just as matter-of-factly, said, "Papaw, did you know Jesus is real?"

Well," the Sheriff replied, a little startled."Yes, Jesus is real to all who believe in him and love him in their hearts."

"No," said Mikey. "I mean Jesus is REALLY real."

"What do you mean?" asked the Sheriff.

"I know he's real 'cause I saw him." said Mikey, still casting into> > the trash can.

"You did?" said the Sheriff.

"Yep," said Mikey. "When that lady runned me over and broke my fishing pole, Jesus caught me in his arms and laid me down in the mud puddle."

GIVES YOU GLORY BUMPS DOESN'T IT?!

Hot Nekkid Men for Christmas

Ladies (and those men so inclined) check out Rundu for the latest 2005 calendars. I have one from 2003 and I will NEVER throw it away. These men are hot. She not only has classicly posed (and foine) half-nekkid men, but now she has classicly posed (and foine) nekkid men. 2 different calendars for 2005. How is a girl to choose? Talk about a stocking stuffer. He He He (that's my pimp laugh). Enjoy!

Niece

So the girls (Munchkin and Squirm) and I went to visit Niece and Niece Momma (that's the suggested nickname and I'm going with it until further notice) in the hospital on Thursday. Niece is beautiful. I didn't expect less. We don't have ugly babies in our family. Luckily our genes dominate over less desirable genes and cute wins out every time. She is pink with a head full of dark hair. I could attribute her color to the fact that her mother is white. However, we run the gamut of colors in my family and quite frankly I was whiter than she was when I was born. Squirm was about the same color. So we did the ear test. Yes, the ear test. We looked at the tips of her ears to see what color she will evenutally be. It has not failed us yet. She'll probably be tan but only time will tell. I will say this - she sets her mouth like my mother so I only see hilarity in Brothaman's future when he has to deal with the smart-mouth girl. Muhahaha!

Munchkin got to hold her cousin. Niece slept the whole time. I held niece pretty much the whole time we were there. She cried when she got some blood taken. Then she pooped. Nice. Poop on your aunt. So I changed the diaper. It's not like I don't know how. She HOWLED when I changed her. I had to let her know we don't appreciate stinky babies so she needed to suck it up. Yes I talk to babies like they are adults. It works wonders for their development. Squirm can't talk much yet but she understands when I talk to her. She follows directions quite well so don't tell me that just because babies can't talk back they don't understand what you are saying to them.

I got to meet Niece Momma's parents. Of course they asked me a 100 questions. I still say this could have been taken care of months ago, but Brothaman is an ass and it didn't happen. Yes I called my brother an ass. He's my brother, not yours and I can call him whatever I want. I asked for him and he belongs to me. The only thing that pissed me off is that these are the same questions they asked Gommie (refresher: Gommie = my mother). What? They thought we would give different answers? After I answered, it was always, "Well your mother said..." Well if my mother said what the hell are you asking me for? But I didn't get flippant. I smiled and nooded and bit my tongue. My mother taught me to honor my elders even when they ask you stupid and redundant questions. I didn't come visit to get to know you; I came to visit my niece. Please shut up so I can enjoy this time.

The other weird thing is that they call Brothaman by his full first name. The family and close friends all call him by his nickname. No one calls him by his "given name" except teachers, strangers and people he doesn't really like. I didn't say anything but I stored that away for later reference. These people aren't teachers so they are either strangers (duh?) or people he doesn't like. I'm curious to know which. I still need to grill my brother on some things and you can be sure that will be a topic of discussion. That and how those bruises are healing up from where Gommie clocked him several times. You can't say I didn't warn him.

I still haven't talked to Brothaman. When I tried to call him I got no answer. He wasn't at the hospital when we visited. He was at work. I'll have to call him in a few days to see how his little "family" is doing. I know how he's doing. He's not ready. He just got a shitload of responsibility dumped on him and he's not ready. I almost feel sorry for him. But the mean part of me says that if you had been a little more forthcoming with your news you could have had some people help you prep. You wouldn't be caught totally unawares. According to Gommie, something's up. Let's see what the next few weeks hold, shall we?

Week 92

Unconscious Mutterings returns...

1. Small Talk:: Sweet Nothings
   
2. Evidence:: Things Left Behind
   
3. Drifting:: No Anchor
   
4. Hostage:: Human Collateral
   
5. Beauty:: Eye of the Beholder
   
6. Automatic:: Semi-
   
7. Asking for it:: Getting more than you imagined
   
8. Visene:: Get's the REd Out
   
9. No strings attached:: One Night Stand
   
10. Frizz:: Main REason for the phony pony on a humid day
    

Start Spreading the News...

...I'm an auntie. I couldn't believe it myself. Since the family just found out a little over a month ago that my brother (henceforth referred to as Brothaman) and this girl (more on this later) were expecting, we haven't had much time to get used to the idea. Regardless, yesterday afternoon I became the auntie to a baby girl (henceforth referred to as Niece) that weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz and 21 inches. I seriously doubt that she will call me Auntie or Aunt Ayaba or anything like that. I don't call my aunts or uncles Aunt so-n-so or Uncle this-n-that. I call them by their first names. My girls call them tee-tee and uncle but that's mostly because they are their great aunts and uncles. They do call my brother Uncle Brothaman but that's because he wants to be called that. He loves his nieces and grins like the joker whenever they are around. OK - I have seriously digressed. I say all that to say I will meet Niece tonight when we visit them in the hospital.

I call Brothaman's baby's mother some girl because she is. We don't know her. We've never met her. Brothaman has never mentioned her. I mean I know he has dated and kicked it with several women in the past, but usually if there was some seriousness at least we knew her name and met her a couple of times. This girl - nothing. We wouldn't have even know she was pregnant if she didn't come to my mother and tell her. Yes - she came to my mother's house and told her she was pregnant with Brothaman's baby. I'm surprised my mother didn't explode on the spot. She's a brave girl but she wanted us to be involved. At least one of them has sense because Brothaman is currently lacking. I thought my mom would kill him. She told me she would. I believe she said "I'm going to wring that n*ggas neck. I can't believe he would pull some sh*t like this." My mother doesn't drop the n-bomb lightly and she doesn't usually cuss us. So as a dutiful sister, I warned him to expect bodily harm when she saw him.

I think more than anything my mom was very disappointed. She didn't raise us to be slackers. She taught us to be responsible self-sufficient adults that take care of ourselves AND anyone we decide to bring into this world. She also told Brothaman that she didn't want any girls showing up on her doorstep telling her they were pregnant with his baby. Plus she asked him if anything was going on MONTHS ago and he said no. She even had me call him to see what was going on and he never called me back. She knew something wasn’t right and he acted like everything was OK. So he was just farked all around.

Needless to say, Brothaman decided to tell the family (we all knew the news but this is the big announcement) at a dinner for his birthday. We got to meet her then. I don't think she has any clue what she is getting herself into. We are a pretty crazy family. We love each other to death but we are crazy. You need to know these things before you start just having babies. Hell I had to call my mother just to get the girl’s last name. Like I said, we don’t know her. We don’t know her parents, what their family is like, family history – nothing. We are forever tied to a family that we don’t know – and they don’t know us. It’s very scary.

Ultimately, it’s about Niece. She doesn’t need to know the circumstances that led to her birth. She’s a baby. She will need to be spoiled properly and we are definitely up for that job. Brothaman’s baby’s mother (I need a proper nickname) wanted us involved and she’s going to get more than she bargained for. Brothaman thought it was fun being an Uncle but being Daddy is whole different kettle of fish. A much harder and more demanding kettle of fish.

Life should be interesting for the next few months.

Lamentations

I wanted to write a post about my discontent about the elections results but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was too depressing and sad. tequila mockingbird has been able to channel my feelings into a post that is much more eloquent than any ramblings I would have been able to put together. With that said, I look forward to the next four years with trepidation and realize that while my vote counts it's all of the votes counted together that really make the difference.

Week 91

New round of Unconscious Mutterings...

1. Right now:: Right here
   
2. Halloween:: Trick or Treat
   
3. Provider:: ISP
   
4. Rescue me:: Calgon works on weekends
   
5. Confidence:: I'm good
   
6. Fungus:: Shrooms
   
7. Candy corn:: Peanuts
   
8. Reunion:: Long time, no see
   
9. Winner:: 1st Place
   
10. Tradition:: What We always do

Halloween Public Service Announcement

Just in time for All Hallows Eve. It's never to early to equip yourself. The ones I think are especially important to follow are in bold.

1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
3. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin, Sanskrit, or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. Although this seems harsh, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note that it will take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
6. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
7. Always believe the kid. Even if the kid has lied before, even if you think that the kid has been watching too much TV -- believe the kid.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief -- GET OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
10. The weirdo is always the one who saw this coming.
11. Do not take anything from the dead.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you're doing.
13. If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get out of the area.
14. Never, ever, make fun of the "odd" kid.
15. Don't go camping.
16. If at any time the house or place you're staying in asks you to get out - DON'T argue.
17. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing,
18. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice; more if you are of the female persuasion and/or wearing high heels. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/ creature is now in front of you.
19. Listen to the dying person. They have the best ideas.
20. fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, etc., kill them immediately.
21. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, and you think it strange because you were sure you had a full tank, shoot yourself. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
22. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
23. Castles are not normally found in the American Midwest. Be wary.
24. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools; for example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, laser pistols, Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators, or any devices made from deceased companions. Also, be wary of anyone driving a combine.

Week 90

It time for Unconscious Mutterings...

1. Blackout:: How much did I drink?
   
2. Platinum:: Engagement Ring
   
3. Leather and lace:: Satin and silk
   
4. Court:: People's
   
5. Mind your own business:: Nunya
   
6. Gambling:: Call Gambler's Anonymous for help
   
7. Lily:: White
   
8. Evasive:: Huh? Wha?
   
9. Turn-on:: >:}
   
10. Suspect:: Usual
    

Monday Mania

I've seen this joke several different ways, but the end result is always the same: Black mommas don't P-L-A-Y! Test them if you want to...
----------------
A black girl and a white girl were friends. The black girl slept over the white girl's house. It was 3 a.m., and they were still up.

The white girl's mother came downstairs and said, "Honey, don't you think it's time for you to go to bed?"

The white girl responded, "Shut up. I don't want to go to sleep!"

Her mother said, "Okay, honey. You can go to bed later ."

The black girl was very intrigued by what happened and decided to use that when she got home.

The next night the black girl's mother said to the black girl, "Go to bed! It's late!"

The black girl shouted, "Shut up. I don't want to go to sleep!"

The black girl's mother took one look at her...

The black girl started to blink, looked around, and asked, "Where am I?"

A lady came over to the bed and answered, "You're in the Intensive Care Unit, love."

What's In a Name?

I'm seriously contemplating changing the name of my blog. Why you ask? Well I originally came up with the clever name of the Princess's Diary because my name means Princess and this is a diary of sorts. Do you know home many hits I get from people looking for the Princess Diaries movie or something related to it? I refuse to link to the movie in my frustration. If people want to find the movie they won't do so through my site. So if the name changes in the upcoming days, don't be surprised. Just know that my frustration has finally come to fruition. Aaarrrgghhhh!

Week 89

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Dimension:: Fifth
   
2. Roger:: and Zapp
   
3. CSI:: Miami, New York, Las Vegas, wherever else they can go
   
4. Passenger:: 57
   
5. Thankful:: Blessed
   
6. Has-been:: El DeBarge
   
7. Bambino:: Babycakes
   
8. Wrinkles:: Laugh Lines
   
9. Cable TV:: 50 trillion channels that you don't watch
   
10. Voicemail:: Message
    

Jumping off the bridge?

Whose mother hasn't asked them "And if so-and-so jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" Based on that viewpoint, I present the following "thought of the day". It's another perspective on why we need to be selective when choosing our friends and the impact those choices can have on our lives. Let me know your opinion.

There is a saying that "birds of a feather flock together." I would like to add one thing to this. Birds of a feather flock together and where the flock goes so do you!" Where are the people you hang around with going? If most of your friends know more about their vacations plans than their long range goals, you need to find some new people to hang out with. Your friends are like buttons on an elevator. Some will take you up, some will take you down and some will keep you right where you are. I am not saying you can't have acquaintances, but the people you are closest to need to be doing something important with their lives. There is a line in the movie The Godfather, "the most powerful people have the most powerful friends." Today, examine closely your relationships. Are they benefiting the both of you? Do you need to break some ties and move on?

True Christian

I found this quiz at Khandi's. Results are below.


Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

True Christian
You are humble, gracious, kind and extremely Christ-like. You believe in the bible as your law, but read it in its original language. Perhaps you're not a scholar, but you're not an armature either. You normally don't feel church is acceptable for your form of worship, and if anyone believes different from you, you might try to learn something from them.

Death in the Family

One of my co-workers died yesterday. She was on my team and someone I consider a friend. I found out last night before I left work so I had some time to let it sink in. Most of the team found out this morning. While we are all working today it's eerily quiet. It feels very surreal and dreamlike. She was only 26. She went to the hospital complaining of chest pains and never left.

I'm happy that our last conversation was filled with laughter and jokes. It's how I would like need to end all my conversations with those people I care about. I have no regrets about our last conversation because of that. None of the "I wish I had saids". It's going to be hard around here. She was well-liked by all and an integral team member.

As the title of the post indicates, it's a death in the family. I know some of us hate to admit it but our co-workers are our family. We spend a good deal of our lives with them. It's just some of them are closer family members than distant cousins or the black sheep we would sooner disregard than acknowledge.

I acknowledge my co-worker as friend and family and am saddened by her loss. I find comfort that God needed her more and I will see her again but that doesn't mean I don't miss her right now.

Did You Know?

Interesting tidbit passed along via email. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to verify the truth of the statement but it gives food for thought. What do you think?

Have you ever attended a church service and saw someone hold up a finger as they are exiting the sanctuary during the service?

What does it mean?

During the slavery days when the masters took their slaves with them to public gatherings, the slaves would always sit in the balcony. When the slave had to go to the bathroom or wanted to be excused for any other reason, they would hold their hand up and keep it up until their master acknowledged that they saw their hand and gave them permission to leave or in other words "excused them to leave". After the slave was given permission to leave, they would hold up one finger as they were leaving to inform anyone that saw them leave that they had been excused. So it means "My Master has excused me" That is where the "holding up one finger while leaving the Sanctuary" carried over from. Which goes to show that you should investigate rituals before you follow them.

The next time you see someone holding up their finger, just tell them: "It's okay to leave the plantation, you've been freed"

It's been a while but here are my Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Spacious:: Roomy
   
2. Crash:: Bang Zoom
   
3. Autobiography:: My Story
   
4. Sparkly:: Bright
   
5. Wild Thing:: Major League 2
   
6. Haagen-Das:: Vanilla
   
7. Sci-fi:: Dune
   
8. Voice:: Mail
   
9. Boy Scouts:: Hide your sexuality boys
   
10. Grief:: Stricken
    

Livin' Your Life Like It's Golden

Jill Scott has the right idea. Here is an email I got that helps us live our lives like it's golden, golden, golden, golden...

I'll be happy when...
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire. The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with... and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting.
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer.
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching.

The Man of Steel

Superman is gone. Actor Christopher Reeve has died at the age of 52, a day after lapsing into a coma.

...

kt's mom died earlier this week. I sent him an email to offer my condolences but it seems shallow. There are never enough words for the people you know personally, and it's harder still to offer comfort to someone who for all intents and purposes is a stranger but you still are sad that they have suffered a loss. He seems very weary and grief-stricken and alone. And I think that's what bugs me. He seems very very alone. No one should have to go through picking up the pieces after a loved one passes alone.

Munchkin threw me off-guard earlier this week. She told me she didn't want me to die. It's very hard to explain to a 5 year old that every one dies and you don't know when it's going to happen. You don't know when God will decide your time on earth is up. You have to live each day to the fullest and enjoy all the moments you can. No one wants their mom to die but life isn't like that. I told her that she has to get older and so do I so I can be a grandma and a geegee (great-grandma) and someday I will die. I'll be in heaven waiting for her.

That's my hope for kt. That his mom is in heaven waiting for him. That he can find comfort from that thought. Maybe that's what I should have written in my email but the words wouldn't come. Funny how that happens. RIP kt's mom until he sees you again.

Add a Little Diversity to Your Life

The latest edition of Diversity in Business is up and ready to read. This month, we take a look at Draft's Cross-Cultural group, a fast-growing team within Draft that is helping clients create relationships with emerging communities. Charlee Taylor-Hines, SVP, Group Account Director, gives us a behind-the-scenes look at the new effort.

On the Publisher's Page, Dan Perkins talks about having faith in the future, and its importance to individual and collective growth. Also this month, check out the Relationship Corner, and Guy Summers' discussion of self-awareness, fulfillment and reaching your goals.

To check out this month's edition, click on the following link:

www.diversityinbusiness.com

For those in the know, our very own Matthew Jones (superstar!) not only writes for Diversity in Business but is the Marketing Editor/West Coast Correspondent. If you have any news or a noteworthy diversity effort that you would like to share, please feel free to contact me and I'll put you in touch with him.

Regards, and Enjoy!

Calling All Singles!

If you are single in Chicago, the following may pertain to you...

Kimberly Brown-Washington of Prosperous Realty LLC
PRESENTS:
ANNUAL SINGLES' CELEBRATION

Thursday, November 4, 6-11pm
Location: An Upscale & Elegant Venue

Mark your calendar now! This year's Singles' Celebration promises to be the best one yet! If you have never been to one of my Singles' Celebrations, you don't know what you are missing: HUNDREDS of upscale, urban, professional, singles gathering to have a good time and meet other single people in a unique way!

This year, I am doing something different to make this event even better. I am hosting the event in the evening at one of Chicago's premier hot spots. Although the setting will be different, I guarantee you a night of excitement and surprises! As always, there will be FREE food and drinks! If you are single, you owe it to yourself to be there!

More details to come as they are available.

Call for Nominations

If you read blogs and think they are good, here is the chance to get them recognized.

Diarist Awards is accepting entries
Read any good entries lately? Discovered any incredible new sites? Time to share! Nominations are now being accepted for the latest round of The Diarist Awards.
http://www.diarist.net/awards/

Nominations will be accepted through October 15. The finalists will be announced on or around November 16, when voting will commence, with winners named on December 5.

About the Diarist Awards:
Given by online journalers to other online journalers, the awards are now in their sixth year - making them the longest-running program to recognize excellence in personal storytelling on the web. (For better or worse.)

Escribitionists of all stripes - be they called online diarists, web journalers, or "bloggers" - are invited to submit their favorite sites and their favorite individual entries in a number of categories, ranging from Best Design to Best Rant. All nominees will then be reviewed by a volunteer panel, with the finalists they select offered for a public vote to determine the final winners.

My Eyes are Too Big for My Stomach

As if I need another excuse to eat candy, here are excuses for every month of the year. Take your pick and enjoy!

January
3rd – National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day
8th – National English Toffee Day
26th – National Peanut Brittle Day

February
15th – National Gum Drop Day
19th – Chocolate Mint Day

March
3rd week – American Chocolate Week
19th – National Chocolate Caramel Day
24th – National Chocolate-Covered Raisin Day

April
12th – National Licorice Day
21st – National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day
22nd – National Jelly Bean Day

May
12th – National Nutty Fudge Day
15th – National Chocolate Chip Day
23rd – National Taffy Day

June
National Candy Month
16th – Fudge Day

July
7th – Chocolate Day
15th – Gummi Worm Day
20th – National Lollipop Day
28th – National Milk Chocolate Day

August
4th – National Chocolate Chip Day
10th – S’mores Day
30th – National Toasted Marshmallow Day

September
13th – International Chocolate Day
22nd – National White Chocolate Day

October
National Caramel Month
28th – National Chocolate Day
30th – National Candy Corn Day
31st – National Caramel Apple Day

November
7th – National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day

December
7th – National Cotton Candy Day
16th – National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day
26th – National Candy Cane Day
28th – National Chocolate Day
29th – National Chocolate Day

Monday Madness

As an engineer by training, I found this joke particularly amusing.
-----
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".

The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

~A~ is for...

g sent me my personality based on the first letter of my name. The results are below. I believe they are accurate and describe me rather well.

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts, not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and the challenge of the hunt invigorating. You are passionate and sexual, as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.

Munchkin Madness

Munchkin has been EXCELLING at school. In the past two weeks alone she has gotten a 100% on 2 math tests, she can write her spelling words down without looking at them and her teacher feels a 100% on her next spelling test is a shoe-in. She is reading everything she can get her hands on and tells me what roadsigns and billboards say. We are currently looking for magnet schools to place her in. We are beyond proud.

/edit/ Munchkin got the 100% on her spelling test. She actually fell asleep reading last night. She is sooooo much my child for that one. /edit/

Friday Funny

One day the lover is over at the womens house and they are upstairs making love. A little while later little Johnny comes home unexpectedly and finds the mother and lover in bed. So little Johnny goes into the bedroom closet to watch. A short time later, the husband comes home unexpectedly and the wife tells the lover to get in the closet.

After a few moments little Johnny speaks out and says to the lover, "Dark in here isn't it?", to which the stunned lover replies, "Yes it is".

Little Johnny says, 'You know I have a baseball." The lover says, "Thats nice." Little Johnny says "Would you like to buy it", the lover says "Not really". Little Johnny says "You know my daddy is outside". The lover says "Ok how much?". Little Johnny says 20 dollars and the lover says "20 Dollars!", and then remembers his situation and pays him.

Couple of weeks later, the women has the lover over again and they are upstairs making love when little Johnny comes home unexpectedly. He sees them in bed and goes into the closet to watch.

A short time later the husband comes home unexpectedly and the women tells the lover to get in the closet. After a few seconds little Johhny says, "Dark in here isn't it?", to which the stunned lover replies, "Yes it is".

Little Johhny says, you know I have a baseball glove, and the lover remembering the previous discussion with little Johnny, says "How Much? Little Johnny says 50 dollars. The lover pays the money.

A couple of days later the husband comes home early from work and says, "Johnny get your ball and glove and we will play catch." Little Johnny says "I cant' daddy, I sold them." The husband says "You did? How much did you get for them?" Little Johnny replies, seventy dollars. The husband says, "Johnny, thats not right, you cannot take advantage of your friends like that, and you must go to confession."

The husband marches little Johnny down to the church and sets little Johnny inside the confessional and steps away.

Soon thereafter the priest enters the other side and waits for Little Johnny's confession. After a short silence, little Johnny says, "Dark in here isn't it?", and the priest says, "Don't start that shit in here!"

Parents - Keep Your Kids Safe

With the advent of the internet and online messaging, parents have to be more diligent. Even if the following story is mostly fiction, a good portion of it is fact. And even scarier, happening to children all over the country. Parents - be aware of what your children are doing and who they are talking to online. This is a good warning to those without children but have nieces and nephews and young cousins and any other young people looking up to them. Be blessed - and safe!
---
Shannon could hear the footsteps behind her as she walked toward home. The thought of being followed made her heart beat faster. "You're being silly," she told herself, "no one is following you. "To be safe, she began to walk faster, but the footsteps kept up with her pace. She was afraid to look back and she was glad she was almost home.

Shannon said a quick prayer, "God please get me home safe. "She saw the porch light burning and ran the rest of the way to her house. Once inside, she leaned against the door for a moment, relieved to be in the safety of her home. She glanced out the window to see if anyone was there. The sidewalk was empty. After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line.

She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:
ByAngel213: Hi I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!
GoTo123: LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you? Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?
ByAngel213: Of course I do. LOL. I guess it was my imagination cuz' I didn't see anybody when I looked out.
GoTo123: Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven't done that have you?
ByAngel213: Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.
GoTo123: Did you have a softball game after school today?
ByAngel213: Yes and we won!!
GoTo123: That's great! Who did you play?
ByAngel213: We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL
GoTo123: What is your team called?
ByAngel213: We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really kewl.
GoTo123: Did you pitch?
ByAngel213: No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home I don't want them mad at me. Bye!
GoTo123: Catch you later. Bye

Meanwhile...... GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.

Her name: Shannon.
Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985 Age:13
State where she lived: North Carolina
Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall.

Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the seventh grade at the Canton Junior High School. She had told him all this in the conversations they had on-line.

He had enough information to find her now.

Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ball park that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games.

Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't be so overprotective.

By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her. Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely. He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the fear she had felt.

After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back.He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her. Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon's home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car. Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.

"Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn't imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.

"Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most interesting story about you." Shannon moved cautiously to a chair across from the man. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today! "Do you know who I am Shannon?" The man asked. "No," Shannon answered. "I am a police officer and your online friend,GoTo123." Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo123 is a kid my age! He's 14 and he lives in Michigan!"

The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true. You see, Shannon, there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to find kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to give out too much information to people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. Your name, the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."

Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan?" He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn't it?" She nodded.

"I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again." "I won't," Shannon promised solemnly. "Will you tell others about this so they will be safe too?" "It's a promise!"

That night Shannon and her dad and Mom all knelt down together and prayed. They thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic situation.

Please send this to as many people as you can to teach them not to give any information about themselves. This world we live in today is too dangerous to even give out your age, let alone anything else.

Geography Lesson

Think you know your United States? This quiz aims to see how well you do. I got a 92%96%.

/edit/ If you visit Sheppard Software, you will find many more educational quizzes like this. /edit/

Public Service Announcement

We're taking a break from our regularly published blog to issue the following announcement:

Ladies, if you want an instantaneous response from your man utter these words: "I'm tired and I want sex." He will IMMEDIATELY stop what he is doing and meet you in the bedroom nekkid. It's 99.9% guaranteed to work for you - unless your man is dead. In that case, 99.5%.

Gentlemen - do not try this on your woman. She will look at you and utter the infamous "And?" Very bad move and could delay any chance for said request for some time.

Thank you and back to our program.

You Know You are Lutheran When...

The following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran who, observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard:

1. Lutherans believe in prayer but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
2. Lutherans like to sing except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital even if they don't notify them that they are there.
4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's choirs would make them too proud and conceited.
7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while "passing the peace."
8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LC-MS groom make for a mixed marriage.
10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to a dollar for a meal at church.
12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keeler stories are totally factual.
13. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color for the season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole adds too much color.
14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, you know when you're a Lutheran when:

• You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can!
• It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.
• Doughnuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.
• The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight.
• All your relatives graduated from a school named Concordia or Augustana.
• When you watch a "Star Wars" movie and they say, "May the Force be with you," you respond, "and also with you."
• You actually understand those folks from Lake Wobegon.
• And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say "good-bye."

Singing with Lutherans!

I am Lutheran so I find these stories pretty entertaining - and true. If you can't make fun of family who can you make fun of.

By: Garrison Keillor
I have made fun of Lutherans for years--who wouldn't if you lived in Minnesota? But I have also sung with Lutherans and that is one of the main joys of life, along with hot baths and fresh sweet corn.

We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their constant guilt that burns like a pilot light, their lack of speed and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings like them.

If you ask an audience in New York City, a relatively "Lutheranless" place, to sing along on the chorus of "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their underwear.

But if you do this among Lutherans they'll smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road! Lutherans are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony. It's a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person's rib cage.

It's natural for Lutherans to sing in harmony. We're too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling moment.

I once sang the bass line of "Children of the Heavenly Father" in a room with about three thousand Lutherans in it; and when we finished we all had tears in our eyes, partly from the promise that God will not forsake us, partly from the proximity of all those lovely voices. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: people, these Lutherans, who love to sing in four-part harmony are the sort of people you could call up when you're in deep distress. If you're dying, they'll comfort you. If you're lonely, they'll talk to you. And if you're hungry, they'll give you tuna salad!

If you laughed while reading this you must be a Lutheran!

Rules from God

1. Wake Up !!

Decide to have a good day.

"Today is the day the Lord hath made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up !!

The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.

Man looks at outward appearance;

but the Lord looks at the heart."

I Samuel 16:7

3. Shut Up!!

Say nice things and learn to listen.

God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant

for us to do twice as much listening as talking.

"He who guards his lips guards his soul."

Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!...

For what you believe in.

Stand for something or you will fall for anything.

"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time,

we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..."

Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up !!...

To the Lord.

"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!...

For something higher.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and lean not unto your own understanding.

In all your ways, acknowledge Him,

and He will direct your path."

Proverbs 3:5-6

7. Lift Up !!...

Your Prayers.

"Do not worry about anything;

instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."

Philippians 4:6

Remember:God answers Knee-Mail.

Just Say No? You wish!

I had a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions no matter the weather.
I was drug to the bus stop to go to school every weekday.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults and teachers. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents.
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in every thing I do, say, and think.

Those drugs are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America might be a better place.

Signed,
Older than Dirt

A Good Friend Indeed

I got this from a friend and it was RIGHT ON TIME. Partly because of the events of the past couple days and partly because I've been really missing her lately. I don't have very many people I call good friends. Friends that know me inside and out. When I have one, I try hard to keep them because it's even harder finding a new one. So getting this from a friend was like a knock upside the head. Read and be blessed.

Around the corner I have a friend
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friend's face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim.
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

Sadness

It's a sad day in the blogging world. Aaron of uppity-negro fame is gone. For whatever reason, he decided that life was no longer worth living. I had the chance to meet Aaron at the Black Bloggers Dinner Party hosted by Ursula earlier this year. It was refreshing to meet other people in person. Aaron was a genuine person, intelligent, soft-spoken but sharp-tongued and witty and I truly enjoyed his company. I'm sad that he was pushed to the brink of life and made the decision that he did, but I'm prayerful that he is in a better place and no longer in pain.

Rest in peace, Aaron Hawkins.

Check it Out

The latest edition of Diversity in Business (dib) is up and ready to read. This month, the marketing section features two women in advertising who are pioneering new ground in their respective areas.

First, we have Renetta McCann, the newly appointed CEO of Starcom Mediavest Group/The Americas, who talked to us about shattering the glass ceiling, and what it will take to promote greater diversity and excellence in advertising. We also talked to Yanti Arifin, Director of Creative Services for Tribal DDB, Chicago, who shared her views on what it takes to succeed in the creative realm.

In the People section, we feature a look behind the scenes of the animated feature Shark Tale, and talked to Dreamworks' Mike Miller, the Head of Effects for the film.

Finally, don't miss the Publisher's Page, which includes a heart-breaking look at teen violence and terror - the war that ISN'T being fought in our country.

Log in to www.diversityinbusines.com to read the latest edition, and enjoy!