- Lutherans believe in prayer but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
- Lutherans like to sing except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
- Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital even if they don't notify them that they are there.
- Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
- Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
- Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's choirs would make them too proud and conceited.
- Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while "passing the peace."
- Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
- Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LC-MS groom make for a mixed marriage.
- Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
- Lutherans are willing to pay up to a dollar for a meal at church.
- Lutherans think that Garrison Keeler stories are totally factual.
- Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color for the season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole adds too much color.
- Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
And finally, you know when you're a Lutheran when:
- You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can!
- It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.
- Doughnuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.
- The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight.
- All your relatives graduated from a school named Concordia or Augustana.
- When you watch a "Star Wars" movie and they say, "May the Force be with you," you respond, "and also with you."
- You actually understand those folks from Lake Wobegon.
- And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say "good-bye."
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