Wednesday, October 29, 2003
1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
3. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin, Sanskrit, or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. Although this seems harsh, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note that it will take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
6. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
7. Always believe the kid. Even if the kid has lied before, even if you think that the kid has been watching too much TV -- believe the kid.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief -- GET OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
10. The weirdo is always the one who saw this coming.
11. Do not take anything from the dead.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you're doing.
13. If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get out of the area.
14. Never, ever, make fun of the "odd" kid.
15. Don't go camping.
16. If at any time the house or place you're staying in asks you to get out - DON'T argue.
17. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice; more if you are of the female persuasion and/or wearing high heels. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/ creature is now in front of you.
18. Listen to the dying person. They have the best ideas.
19. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, etc., kill them immediately.
20. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, and you think it strange because you were sure you had a full tank, shoot yourself. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
21. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
22. Castles are not normally found in the American Midwest. Be wary.
23. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools; for example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, laser pistols, Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators, or any devices made from deceased companions. Also, be wary of anyone driving a combine.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Your baby's probably moving more than ever before. Some pregnant women even have trouble sleeping because their babies' kicks and rolls keep them up at night. If you're having this problem, comfort yourself with the knowledge that your baby is active and healthy. You're also getting some practice for all the sleepless nights you'll endure as a new mom. If you haven't already, now is a good time to start monitoring your baby's activity level. Twice a day count your baby's movements. Ideally, you should feel at least ten kicks, rolls, or swishes in two hours. If you notice fewer than ten movements in two hours or a significant decrease in the frequency of your baby's movements, tell your midwife or doctor immediately.
I can't tell you how true this is. I think the baby is practicing kung fu at night to get ready to keep up with Munchkin. It moves ALL the time. I don't know when it sleeps.
Not to mention the indigestion. To sum it up - I stink. I wake up around 2 am to either burp or fart. Preferably burp because that is instant relief and I can go back to sleep faster. This is the stinkiest baby making me the stinkiest mommy. I don't need a paternity test. This baby could not have been made by anyone else.
Other than that I'm doing well. Weight gain is good, my skin still glows and I am quite the fashionable pregnant lady. I really don't have any complaints. :)
Saturday, October 25, 2003
What Kind of Kiss Are You?
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
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What Movie Do You Belong In?
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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Which Of The Greek Gods Are You?
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Wednesday, October 22, 2003
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says, "Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
To come upon Love, one must first deny, in oneself, all that is not Love. Love is not jealousy, anger, pleasure, desire, thought, feeling, or sensation. So what is Love? Can one say what Love is, or can we come upon it through negation? For Love to be, there must be Freedom. Freedom from ones personal travail is necessary for one to come upon Love. Where there is ambition, manipulation, jealousy, greed, anger or other negatively charged emotions, Love is not. Love can only exist when there no conflict.
One may say there are many kinds of Love. The Love which heals all sorrows is not emotional, sentimental, or full of desire. The Love which heals all sorrow is only when everything else isn't. Understand in truth that love is not a feeling, but a state of being. You do not fall in love, you become love. And once love, you find that you cannot fall.
Ladies I have been in communication with several of my friends and we have formed a little group we call ourselves the "Relationship Warriors" The group consist of Five men whom have been happily married for 20 years or more, 3 confirmed bachelors, 4 down right dirty doggs (straight playas) One of these is my best friend even though we stay in an argument all the time (He calls me a playa hata.) The last part of the group is 3 knuckleheaded young boys about 20 years old (one of them is my son) They know about my reading group and they would like to ask you ladies a question.
Why will a woman believe her friends over her own man?
Now keep in mind that I didn't ask this question but I would be interested in the feed back from it. So feel free to answer and I will relay it back to them (without your names of course)
Monday, October 20, 2003
My mail carrier told me that the US Postal Service sent out a message to all letter carriers to put a sheet of Bounce in their uniform pockets to keep yellow jackets away. Use them all the time when playing baseball and soccer. I use it when I am working outside. It really works. The yellow jackets just veer around you.
And all this time you've just been putting Bounce in the dryer!
It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them.
It also repels mice.. spread them around foundation areas, or in trailers, cars that are sitting and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle.
It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don't get opened too often.
Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.
Eliminates static electricity from your television (or computer) screen. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.
Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of Bounce.
Freshen the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet.
Put Bounce sheet in vacuum cleaner.
Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through sheet of Bounce before beginning to sew.
Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.
Freshen the air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat.
Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static agent apparently weakens the bond Between the food.
Eliminate odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the
Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.
Eliminate static electricity from Venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.
Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used sheet of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.
Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.
Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight.
Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the bees away.
Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before folding and storing them. Keeps them smelling fresh.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Which Mythological Form Are You?
You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.
"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.
As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
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How Funny Are You?
STAND UP: You are a natural stand-up comedian. You
watch the news with people, and when you give
your opinions, people start laughing. They are
not laughing at you, they are laughing because
what you say is so TRUE. The world is a very
funny place, full of natural comedy. All you do
is repeat various humorous things that you
notice from everyday life. Your unique
perspective on the world is what makes you so
funny. Of all the various comedy types, you may
be the funniest of them all!
PREMIUM COMEDY OF YOUR TYPE IS WELCOMED AT:
How funny are you?
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How Old Is Your Inner Child?
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
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Friday, October 17, 2003
Thursday, October 16, 2003
A woman was asked by a co-worker, "What is it like to know the Spirit?"
The co-worker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc., and then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see."
Accordingly WWYS reports that "Your soul is worth £36226. For your peace of mind, 22% of people have a purer soul than you."
I might have to take it again just to be sure.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
No cheating. Pick your cake, then look to see. Take this cake Personality Test.
If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose?
Vanilla with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate on Chocolate
OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you! NO.... you can't change your mind once you scroll down!
So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!
No peeking until you choose!!!
Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.
Brownies.. You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out
your sabre. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.
Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not Very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.
Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.
Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centred and high maintenance.
Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a Very warm-hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.
10 TRUTHS BLACK AND LATIN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
3. Jesus was not White.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
5. A 5-year child is too big for a stroller.
6. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
8. An occasional BUTT spanking helps a child stay in line.
9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
10. Rap music is here to stay.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT LATIN PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
2. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
3. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
4. Hickey's are unattractive.
5. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
6. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
7. 10 people to a car or home is considered too many.
8. Jesus is not a name for your son.
9. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store can get your BUTT whooped (or theirs).
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND LATIN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Tupac is dead.
2. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
3. Having a ring on every finger is too much.
4. O.J. did it.
5. Teeth should not be decorated.
6. Breaks are usually only 15 minutes.
7. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
8. RED is not a Kool-Aid flavor (it's a color).
9. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
10. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
Where does that put us? With a big gap in my life. I should have been sharing funny pregnancy stories and anecdotes and how Munchkin is adapting. I've just had so much going on that I feel overwhelmed. Work is work but busier than ever and as my pregnancy progresses more stressful. My personal life is improving but I'm still skeptical about where things are headed. I don't feel as excited about this pregnancy as I did with the first. Probably because I don't have as much time to devote to doting on this child with everything else going on. I feel bad about that too. Hmmm...maybe this is the guilt stage of pregnancy. Plus this pregnancy isn't going as smooth as the first.
Well I am making progress...I've actually put something on paper to post. Let's see how this goes in the time coming up.