Church Dictionary

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending church.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: A religious order known for their ability to put together really good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

MAGI: The most famous men to ever attend a baby shower.

MANGER: The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in some churches.

RELICS: People who have been going to church for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.